The Cave-Applesauce Chili Cook Off began in 2007 and was the brain child of Mason Cave and his friend & sister-in-law Denise Landers (aka Applesauce). It was (and still is) a fund raising event to help “Team Cave” in their Breast Cancer fund raising endeavors.

Back in 2007 Roberta Landers (Denise’s mom & Mason’s mother-in-law) was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. And it delights us all to say “Roberta kicked Cancers ASS!” She’s also a hell of a Chili Chef. . . and THAT is how this whole thing got started. Pretty much a word-of-mouth event that gathers friends and family together for a good time and a great cause. Mason tells me “Next year will be bigger and better!” (I have no doubt!)

And yes, yours truly is a big fan and fellow Chili Chef. I’ve participated in all four so far. The best I ever did was 2^nd place. The best Team Cave-Applesauce ever did was . . . win the damn thing each and every time!

Each year (and this year it was ALL the talk) whispers and rumors could be heard throughout the gathered crowd of chili swilling connoisseurs “what the hell is up with Mason and Denise winning each year?!?” Knowing them both, I can assure you all that there is no fixing going on. It’s all on the level, straight up voting and counting…. And that’s the part that really stings it seems.

This year, we have a new sheriff in town! Mr. Burl Seaton is this years Champion Chili Chef <and the crowd goes wild!> It did our hearts good to witness Mason and Denise hand over their prized trophy to him. (It’s like the Stanley Cup, gets passed from champion to champion) Once you win, you MUST return next year to defend your title…. Burl, I’m gunnin’ for ya next year pal – And you’re goin’ DOWN!

I never asked (and he never told) what made his chili so damn good. Here is my take on it: It had a very unique flavor to it. There was a spice used that gave it a Greek quality. I’m suspecting either lamb or venison was used as the meat. So, if the Greeks made chili, this is what it would taste like. (did you use beer in it Burl? <you don’t have to tell>)

Second Place: Mr. Dan Ersery

Third Place: It was a tie between Ms. Missy Larson and yours truly Harry Conlon.

And our dear friend Roberta Landers would like to add the following:

“Harry, thank you so much for the great job reporting on the cook off.  We had a final total of $1,150.00 raised this year.  The funds will be turned in to the “Peoria Relay for Life” at next weeks team captain meeting.  We will be adding the funds we raise at this weekends garage sale at Gloria’s house, 17024 N 42nd Ave (Just North of Bell Rd) I hope we don’t get rained out.

Love you,

Thanks to everyone for their support!!!!!”

Next year, hopefully the Tums people would like to come on board as sponsors! (I hope – Geez-Louise)

To those who attended: Got any good pics from the cook off? Send em’. I’ll post em!

baconfrying@gmail.com

I’d like to offer up a moment of silence for a dear departed friend. Just 15 minutes ago, while working in my hand, a 21+ year old 8″ meat clever broke in two and died. (The very same clever pictured above in my header design)

Yes, my very favorite piece of chefs cutlery, gone in the blink of an eye. I own well over a thousand dollars worth of high quality cutlery. Some I’ve inherited, some I’ve bought. This one (“Butch”) was purchased at a yard sale over 20 years ago for a dollar. And he was pretty old when I bought him and put him to work. I used him for almost every meal prep. He was my “go to” knife. Faithful and loyal blade he was. Time and hard work took it’s toll. He passed away while helping me smash whole clusters of smoked garlic.

The kitchen just won’t be the same without him. <sobbing> Oh SURE, I have other meat clevers, but their just stupid meat clevers. Butch had a “Patina” and fit perfectly in my hand.

Services will be held tomorrow morning and Butch will be buried in a small, well marked grave in my back yard. Donations to the “Butch the Meat Clever Memorial Foundation” can be sent to PayPal.com c/o baconfrying@gmail.com
Amen.

This was our first Christmas without Mom. Mama Webb, as she was known to most of the community, loved to cook and she loved to garden. She always said that if you’re feeling depressed, go out and dig in the dirt. Plant something, pull weeds… just dig around. You’re bound to be in a better frame of mind.

She was like that about cooking as well. She cooked when she was happy, when she was worried, when she was sad. That was her job and she was a proud cook. For years when we suggested we eat out for dinner she’d take it as a slam against her cooking. “Why go out to eat steak when we have steak in the freezer?” When I moved out into my own place she was insulted when I mentioned I was going to cook my own meals. “What, you don’t like my cooking?”

So it was through the years we’d stand back, let her cook and we’d clean up the kitchen after the meal. Sure, sometimes I’d fix something, like when I learned how to make chicken and dumplings or when I did some Bar B Que ribs she’d allow me to add my contribution to the table, but for the most part the only time she’d let us do the cooking was if she was really sick.

It worried me last Christmas when she let sis and I cook Christmas dinner. And off and on over the past year she’d be too sick and I’d cook supper. I would know when she was getting better when she would come stand over my shoulder and tell me how to boil eggs, or something equally simple. Come July and August I was really wishing she’d run me out of her kitchen again.

Then in September she passed. She was ready to go. Actually, she was growing impatient to go. She went peacefully.

So today was sis and my second time to make Christmas dinner. We had ham, green beans, potato salad, rolls and candied sweet potatoes. Maybe not a super big feast but it was lots more than the three of us could hold and I see plenty of left overs in our future. It wasn’t the same without Mom being there but the three of us had fun collaborating on the meal and hanging out and getting in each other’s way. Maybe we’re starting a new tradition.

Leann – What a wonderful story Leann! Cooking….breaking bread together….celebrating whatever…. every culture does it in some form, for as far back as humans go….it’s one of the things that define our species.

You can read more of my friend Leann’s wonderful stories at

http://webbgirls.blogspot.com/2010/12/christmas-without-mom.html

…a story of Christmas present, past and future.  by Harry Conlon

Frank Scicchitano, master portrait painter specializing in sports card portraiture of sports legends. Seriously, go check out his work. What a talent this guy is! In the small world of this type of artist, surely Frank is a well known superstar.

I met Frank about 5 or so months ago in some discussion group on LinkedIn dot com. We sparred with some really fun ranks on each other in other conversations and one thing lead to another and eventually Frank made a pass at me and said he wanted to……I’M KIDDING!!! See, that’s the kind of shit we mess with each other about. It livens up ANY boring conversation thread. Frank and I start an argument about ANYTHING and everybody starts freaking out and sending us “private replies” all worried and shit…..it’s hysterical! (well, to Frank and I it is…). So anyway, that’s how I know Frank. Most of you know that I am an “Audio Hound”, I love audio files of all sorts, the weirder, the better. I have a recording of Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis trying to cut a commercial for one of their movies. This recording is a perfect representation of our unique friendship. Since Frank is too fucking stupid to download an audio file, I send you now to where I originally found the Martin/Lewis recording…(great website for this sort of stuff too!)

http://www.aprilwinchell.com/audio/

Scroll a little more then half way down to

Things You Probably Weren’t Supposed to Hear

Listen to the Martin Lewis bit. That’s Harry n’ Frank.

So Frank sends me an email one day and says he wants my address so he can send my son Harrison something for Christmas. About all Frank knew about my son is that he’s 15 and a sports freak. I ask him what he wants to send, he gives me this explanation that he’s got some sports related proofs and shit laying around gathering dust and maybe he’d like to have them….

Now it’s kind of spooky.

Harrison’s collection of sports cards, I would guess, is upwards of 50 to 70 thousand cards. He’s crazy about them. He’s crazy about sports (baseball and football mostly). If he reads a card, he’ll never forget those stats! (I pray to God every night to give him that kind of passion for his school work!)

So like the dumb ass he is, he loses my address. He calls me. I had never spoken with him before. I knew who it was as soon as answered my “Hello?” (I think he said “HUMP! HEY FUCKER!….”)

I ask him for a better explanation of what he’s sending. “Some stupid fucking Yankee’s shit buttons, and some baseball cards” he did the artwork for and the final product “pre production proofs” AND he adds “complete with fucking holes punched in the center…making them fucking worthless!” {sorry for all the ‘fucks’, that’s how the man talks. His words, not mine. He has no formal education that I can detect}

AND he knows nothing of the value of sports cards. At least not to my son.

I asked Frank to autograph them. He said he would be flattered to do so. When my son opens the box and knows the story behind them, he will be in awe. Cards with a history are the best cards of all!

Have a look at this. Martin Conlon, famous sports photographer back in the depression, great uncle twice removed or some such thing. Some of the most valuable sports cards ever produced. His reproductions are some of the most popular in the market today. (Yeah, we like baseball cards)

Click Here

He will take these Frank Scicchitano autograph cards and seek out for the rest of his life the stars they portray, and have them autograph it too. These cards will be kept in a special display case that when opened, a recording of a choir singing a lovely “C” note will play, and my son will do his best Vanna White for those who are being shown….

Late Christmas night he will still be studying his new cards and one of us will ask him “So, what was your favorite present?” He will most likely look up and dryly answer “are you serious?”

When I look at the big picture of this whole story, (the odds and all) of this New Jersey artist hooking up a teenage sports freak all the way out in Phoenix with the coolest gift of the season, well I am amazed. This New Jersey Artist, jaded by Christmas’s past, has himself become the epitome of Christmas Spirit! If you believe otherwise, well, to quote my dear friend Frank Scicchitano, “you’re full of shit!”

Frank Scicchitano, highly spoken of in this house I assure you!

Frank, in words I’m sure you’ll understand – Merry Fuckin’ Christmas you hump!

The box he shipped came yesterday. I’m sitting at the kitchen table on the laptop, working on my book. Harrison, home for Christmas break, is coming from the kitchen with his lunch. Front door is open (the weather here is fantastic!) and up walks the Fed Ex guy. Harrison goes for the door. Both dogs begin to cuss out the delivery guy, Harrison is trying to keep them back – he fears for the drivers life as these two fearsome beast may tear him limb from limb. “OH SHIT, That’s got to be Frank’s package!” I think to myself and rush to intercept. I know how stupid Frank is, and sure enough, as big as the box itself he’s written “MASTER HARRISON CONLON” and Harrison wants his box! BIG wrestling match begins, two dogs, a teenage football star, and a 53 year old father. Had not been for the dogs I would have never made it to the security of my bedroom and locked the door.

BangBangBang he knocks and calls out “Who’s that from?!”

“Frank!” I answer.

“Who the heck is Frank?!” he asks.

“He’s a friend of mine!” I answer.

“You don’t have any friends named Frank!” he says.

(I’m opening the package while he hollers from the other side of the door)

“What the hell do you know about  all who my friends are?! Go away! You’ll find out all about Frank on Christmas morning! GET! Eat your lunch, leave me alone!”

“JEESE DAD…….(who the hell is Frank?!)

Who the hell IS Frank Scicchitano? Have a look. http://tanoart.com/

(the exploits of Frank and Harry can be found/followed at LinkedIn dot com under Creative Writers and Designers group)

“You da man now dawg!” – William Forrester in Finding Forrester

Debbie and I thank you Frank.

Merry Christmas!

Like this story. Please, be my guest – pass it along.

Hey Bro, I like the new look ( but not the new direction — though I do understand ). Just thought you’d like to know that Warsaw downtown had its first Friday monthly extravaganza yesterday and Celebrations had its famous “Pigs in the Mud” on sale. That is chocolate fudge covered bacon. First I baked thick cut bacon in the oven until nice and crispy then covered it with hot chocolate fudge. Put in the frig overnight. We had our biggest one day fudge sale day in history. My flavor of the month is “Caramel Apple Pie” — a cinnamon graham crust on the bottom with apple flavored fudge, bits of dried spiced apples (homemade), apple pie spice, caramel swirled through the fudge and covered with a sprinkle of cinnamon sugar. mmmmm good.

My Big Brother. . . Only a nut like him would post a story about Fudge Covered Bacon on a freaking Diabetic Web Site! What he’s doing is taunting me with it. Like you’d do with your buddy who’s “on call” at the fire department and can’t drink: You’d hoist a mug of beer to your mouth, get his attention, then take a big – slow – wonderful swig of it and then tell him with exaggerated expressions how wonderful it was / is. That’s what he’s doing here! He and his wife Joyce (an angel who’d NEVER taunt her diabetic brother-in-law with Fudge Covered Bacon!) own Celebrations Gift Shop and Fudge Factory in Warsaw Indiana (106 E Center St. Warsaw, IN 46580-2840 / ph: 574.269.5683). I’ve had their fudge, and HE knows it. . . . he’s always been mean to me. Feel free to stop in at Celebrations Gift Shop and Fudge Factory in Warsaw Indiana (106 E Center St. Warsaw, IN 46580-2840 / ph: 574.269.5683) and shoplift something. Those non-diabetics out there: Go for the fudge!

CHECK OUR NEW POLL over there on the right. “Who had the meanest brother in the history of man?”

I would like to extend a hearty and tasty THANK YOU to singer, songwriter and master chef Dee Lowe of Orlando, FL for her contributions of the previous 7 recipes posted here today. (not including the Bacon Wrapped Shrimp. – That ones mine) She submitted them weeks ago, I ran most of them through the test kitchen here at RTPAP and found them all to be on my “Not Sucking” list of Diabetic Culinary Feasting.

Originally, this site was tag lined “One mans quest to find Diabetic Cooking that doesn’t suck”. Well, I’ve found out that I’m not the only one on this journey of culinary excellence.  Thanks again Dee, your submissions are always welcome in our test kitchen here at RTPAP! (LOVE the new glasses by the way!)

Abuelo’s Mexican Food Embassy is where I discovered these.  As God as my witness, this is some of the best stuff I have EVER eaten. Jalapeno’s sliver cut and a few shreds placed into a slit of a raw shrimp along with a few shreds of jack cheese. This raw shrimp is now wrapped with a slice of boiled bacon. Yeah, ya gotta boil the bacon to cook it and remove some of the fat. Why? Because once we get a couple dozen done, where gonna GRILL em’! So, as you wrap them, you’re building Shish Kabobs. 6 or 7 on a stick. Double up on the sticks and they’ll be easier to turn. Better yet, get one of those square, closing type grilling racks.

Don’t grill them on a gas grill. Do charcoal. (if you can) Also get some hickory wood chips soaking. When the coals are nice and white and ready, evenly distribute some of the hickory chips over the coals and start grilling your Shrimp Kabobs. 4 – 5 min. per side should do it. Watch them carefully, don’t let it flame up on ya. (that pre-boil of the bacon should cut way down on that) Don’t overcook em’, and watch em’ like a hawk!. . . Hickory Grilled, Jalapeno & Cheese stuffed, Bacon Wrapped Shrimp Kabobs! Culinary Heaven!

One of the things I love about this recipe is it’s flexibility in using left over meat. Chicken breast, beef, pork, whatever. Hey, once I even made it with bologna! (seriously! It was great!) One other variation I love is a can of tuna stir fried first, then removed and set aside. Use the good tuna too, the solid white in water. (drain the water before stir frying it) Add the tuna back after the rest is finished.

Asian Fried Rice

2 T. peanut oil

½ c. water chestnut, drained

¼ c. chopped onion

½ c. sliced mushrooms

½ c. sliced carrots

2 T. lite soy sauce

2 T. chopped green bell pepper

¾ c. egg substitute, beaten

2 c. cooked rice, cold (I like brown rice. Either works fine)

½ c. sliced scallions

1 T. sesame oil

4 cloves crushed garlic

In a large skillet, heat oil.  Sauté onion, carrots, garlic and green pepper for 5 to 6 minutes.

Stir in rice, water chestnuts, mushrooms, and soy sauce, and stir fry for 8 to 10 minutes.

Stir in egg substitute and continue to stir fry for another 3 minutes. Top with sliced scallions, drizzle the sesame oil over all, one last mix, serve.

Serving Size: ½ cup        Calories: 217        Total Fat:7 g        Cholesterol: 0 mg        Carbs: 31 g

An observation: Chop Sticks. What is with chop sticks?!  I know for a fact that Asian people have seen and / or used a pitch fork, right?! I don’t see them out in a field pitching hay with a couple of pool ques! YES, I can indeed use chop sticks as good as anybody. I just don’t any more. They’re clumsy, and inadequate. And those soup spoons, what the hell is up with those things?! They’re HUGE. “Hey, bring me a regular old soup spoon will ya? And a fork too please.”

Flounder Parmesan

4  4oz. flounder fillets                                                         1 t. garlic powder

¼ c. fresh grated Parmesan cheese                              2 t. paprika

1 t. dried oregano                                                                 2 T. finely minced parsley

¼ t. dried basil                                                                        Fresh ground pepper

1 T. minced onions                                                               8 oz. fat free sour cream

Place fish fillets in a baking dish coated with non-stick spray (Pam)

Combine the remaining ingredients and spread over fish.  Bake for 12 to 15 minutes at 375 degrees.  Transfer to a platter and serve.

Serving size: 1 fillet        Calories: 184        Total Fat: 3 g        Cholesterol: 71 mg        Carbs: 4 g

This classic steak is great with a baked potato and a green salad. And the steak juice that oozed out of the steak as it sat resting after cooking: Pour THAT over your baked potato!

Steak with Brandied Onions

12 oz. lean sirloin steak                                                4 medium onions

4 T. reduced-fat margarine                                        1 T. chopped fresh parsley

½ t. garlic powder                                                          Dash of brandy

Prepare the sirloin steak to your liking.

In a medium skillet, melt the margarine and add the garlic powder.  Add the onions and parsley, sautéing until onions are tender.  Tender? Well, that’s what the recipe says. I SAY sautéing until golden brown. And do up some sliced mushrooms the same way!

Add brandy and let simmer for 1 to 2 minutes. Transfer steak to platter, spoon brandied onions over the top, serve.

Serving size: 2 – 3 oz.        Calories: 230       Total Fat: 11 g       Cholesterol: 56 mg       Carbs: 11 g

Herbed Pot Roast (OMG! This is SO good!)

1 T. olive oil                                                                      ¼ t. marjoram

2 lb. lean boneless beef roast                                  ¼ t. dried rosemary

Fresh ground pepper                                                   ¼ t. dried thyme

½ c. water                                                                          2 medium onions, sliced

1/3 c. dry sherry                                                              1 bay leaf

¼ c. ketchup                                                                     16 oz. can sliced mushrooms, undrained

1 garlic clove, minced                                                    ¼ t. dry mustard

Add olive oil to a large Dutch oven over medium heat.  Sprinkle roast with pepper, then brown on all sides.

Combine water, sherry, ketchup, garlic, mustard, marjoram, rosemary, and thyme in a small bowl, and pour over roast.  Add onions and bay leaf, cover, and simmer for 2 to 3 hours, until roast is tender.

Add mushrooms and continue simmering until heated.  Remove bay leaf.  Transfer roast to a platter, slice, and serve.

Serving size: 3 oz.         Calories: 232       Total Fat: 9 g         Cholesterol: 87 mg       Carbs: 7 g.

Forget gobs of brown sugar and butter.  Pineapple and spices add flavor, not fat!

Festive Sweet Potatoes  (8 servings)

4 sweet potatoes (about 20 oz.)                                     1 t. nutmeg

2 c. crushed pineapple in its own juice                         1 T. slivered almonds

2 t. cinnamon

In a large saucepan, boil potatoes over medium heat for about 45 minutes until you can pierce them easily with a fork (or back them directly on a rack in a 350 degree oven for 45 minutes).

Let potatoes cool, then gently peel them. Mash potatoes with pineapple and spices and place in a casserole  dish coated with cooking spray.

Top casserole with almonds and bake for 20 minutes at 350 degrees.

Serving Size: ½ cup     Calories: 84    Total Fat: 1 g       Cholesterol: 0 mg     Total Carbs.: 19 g

Sweet pineapple sparks the flavor in this side dish!

Curried Rice with Pineapple ( 4 servings)

1 onion, chopped                                                         1 t. curry powder

1 ½ c. water                                                                    ¼ t. garlic powder

1 ¼ c. reduced sodium beef broth                         8 oz. pineapple chunks, drained

1 c. uncooked rice

In a medium saucepan, combine onion, water, and beef broth. Bring to a boil, and add rice, curry powder, and garlic powder. Cover and reduce heat.  Simmer 25 minutes.

Add pineapple and continue to simmer for 5 to 7 minutes more until rice is tender and water is absorbed.  Serve.

Serving size: ½ cup      Calories: 215     Total Fat: 1 g      Cholesterol:  0 mg    Total Carbs.: 46 g

For a snack, try these Potato Parmesan Chips

4 large potatoes                                             Fresh ground pepper

2T. olive oil                                                       ¼ t. paprika

1 t. grated onion                                             2 T. parmesan cheese

Dash salt

Wash and cut unpeeled potatoes into 1/8 inch-thick slices.  Place in a single layer over baking sheets coated with cooking spray.

Heat oil in a small skillet and add onion, salt, pepper, and paprika.  Brush potatoes with oil mixture and bake at 425 degrees for 15 to 20 minutes or until chips are crispy and golden brown.

Remove from oven and sprinkle with cheese. Serve.

Serving size: ½ Potato     Calories: 105      Total Fat: 4 g      Cholesterol: 1 mg     Total Carbs: 16 g

So, big change here at Rattle Them Pots And Pans. I need to take us in another direction. After developing an insatiable thirst and problems sleeping I finally saw my doctor about it. He did some blood work and a week later at our consult he basically told me I had blood PUDDING running through my veins! My cholesterol was through the roof. (that AND my blood pressure). Diagnosis: Diabetic. Not just a simple Diabetic, but a “Classic Diabetic” (over-achiever).

NOT the end of the world I’m told. Eating healthy, exercising and weight lose will have me off the meds in 6 months. So I have a new goal. To find the best of the best in healthy eating. The days of 16oz. rib eyes wrapped in bacon and topped with blue cheese sauce are over. I’m only 52 and I’d like to stick around a lot longer. I would love to be a centenarian (somebody who’s over 100) some day – seriously! Fortunately, the love of my life and wife is in this with me as well as my teenage son. It’s so much easier when the whole family works together on something like this.

I haven’t always been a fat, lazy couch potato. Way back when in my Navy days I was a buff and fit manly-man. Twenty two years ago, my wife and I lost the equivalent of a whole person between the two of us. We kept the weight off for about 2 or 3 years, but then I took a job that had me out of town most of the time. When that happened, we stopped exercising and eating right. It’s hard to eat right when you’re on the road all the time. Eventually, the weight was put back on plus a few extra pounds for good measure. The consequences became clear last week when my doctor laid it on the line. “Either change your lifestyle or wake up dead one morning real soon.” (he’s been my doctor for 20+ years and a very funny guy!)

Our new tag line here at RTPAP – “The best of the best in eating healthy.” I’m also asking for any suggestions that you think would be better. The header – as much as I love it, it’s gonna need to change too.

Will keep you all posted on my progress with the weight loss.

8/8/10 – 246.5 pounds

Here I am 22 years ago. My goal is to once again be this healthy and fit.

COMMENTS

WarsawNan – The new banner is gorgeous. Took me awhile to notice the severed finger. Thought you might want to know that the tag line is grammatically incorrect. “One mans quest”… should be “One man’s quest,” with an apostrophe S. Singular-possessive rule.

Thanks for the spell check Nan, I’ll fix it soon. The severed finger is a commentary on the finger pricking I do twice a day. “It’s OK to prick your finger… just don’t finger your prick!” as the old saying goes.

My cousin Buzz hooked us all up with this gem. Well, it’s a gem when you’re a tomato freak like he and I are. MY only edits to this awesome recipe, like I told Buzz, would be to make all ingredients bite size nuggets and to double (maybe triple) the bacon.

6 Ripe Tomatoes

1 Cucumber

1/4 to 1/2 Onion

1/4 Cup Garbanzo Beans

4 Slices Bacon, Cooked and Crumbled

2 Ounces Vinegar

Freshly Ground Black Pepper

Salt To Taste

Slice tomatoes. Quarter slices into bite-sized pieces.

Slice cucumber. Cut larger slices into halves or quarters.

Dice onion, or slice and separate.

Combine all ingredients in a large bowl. Chill in refrigerator before serving to allow ingredients to meld.

Serves 6 to 8.

Feel free to substitute, add or delete ingredients depending on your whims, your garden’s harvest and the contents of your vegetable drawer. Red onions are nice, when handy. White beans are fine, too. The only constant here is tomatoes. I’ve seldom produced the same salad twice. Enjoy – Buzz A.

Here’s one from an old old high school friend of mine, Stan Ross. He found me on facebook and for the last few months we’ve been catching up. So, he too loves to cook, he’s been here to RTPAP and had a nice read. Sends me this recipe and it sounded so good, I made it that night and changed only one thing – I put it on my Rotisserie. I thought his cooking time was a little long, but it wasn’t. Mine took the exact time he said it would. So here’s Stan’s original recipe:

1 pineapple

1 small box of strawberry jello

3-4 tablespoons of honey

1/2 cup hot water

1 bar b que grill – set on medium high

Peel outer skin of pineapple off, leaving top green part….

Slice bottom off so it exposes inside meat.

Mix up jello, honey and hot water…this is your glaze….

place entire pineapple on hot grill, baste with glaze to your liking.

I usually cook this for about 1 1/2 hours – usually when I grill a whole chicken….if you have a two burner grill, place this on opposite end of heat…indirect grilling method.

Baste, baste, baste, (I used a shaker bottle and a pastry brush) until fully cooked…..then slice into 3/4″ slices…..hit of any party!

Here are my pics from doing it ala Rotisserie…

It was delicious Stan, thanks for sharing! Next time, I think I’ll go straight on the grill. It was a bit uneven in it’s browning.

Hello my RTPAP friends! Long time / no hear from, huh?  Almost 4 months without an article. . . Well, here’s the thing: I work on and design blog and websites day in and day out 5 days a week. It just got to me, ya know? I spend 8 – 9 hours at the office sitting in front of a computer and it got to the point where the last thing I wanted to do when I got home is sit in front of a computer. I was loosing my “Mojo” and I dearly wanted to keep it. So, I stopped working on the computer at home, and in turn stopped working on our blog.  “SLACKER!” Cries the crowd, and the echo answers “Slacker. . .slacker. . . slaker. . .”  Sorry, but that’s the plain and simple truth. (I have about a gazillion hits, comments, and spams I gotta go thru . . .  how fun, huh?)

I’m back at it now. Mojo in tack, my wits still about me. So stand bye for more recipes and the stories behind them!

Several of you have asked if I could get my hands on the recipe for WarsawNan’s very popular, much requested caramel corn, so thought I’d break into her appartment, hack her computer (and drink 4 of her Pepsi’s) and share it with you all. Over the past 6 months, I’m sure she’s made over 300 bags of this…. everyone always wants MORE! Takes about an hour to make 24 cups. I’ll have you all know that this is the recipe of a great-GREAT-grandmother…. so ya just know that it’s gonna be great!

Caramel Corn

24 cups of popped popcorn

2 sticks butter

1-1/2 c. PACKED dark brown sugar

6 T. white Karo syrup

1/2 t. vanilla

1/2 t. baking soda

Kosher salt (don’t skip this… makes all the difference!!)

Preheat oven to 300-degrees.

Spread popcorn in TWO large roasting pans (I use the disposable aluminum turkey roasting pans).

In a medium saucepan, combine the butter, brown sugar, and Karo syrup. Cook over medium heat, stirring only until the butter’s fully incorporated (then you don’t need to stir anymore). Cook until mixture reaches 255-degrees.

Remove from heat and stir in vanilla. Then dump in the baking soda and quickly stir until the mixture foams up and it all becomes a lighter brown color, pretty much the same color as peanut butter (about 30 seconds of stirring).

Quickly pour caramel evenly over all the popcorn. Toss and mix until all the popcorn is fairly evenly coated. (Won’t be super-well coated at this point.)

Place in oven for 15 minutes, then toss/stir again to better coat the popcorn. Bake another 15 minutes. Remove from oven, stir again, and quickly sprinkle with kosher salt. Toss for about a minute, allowing the caramel corn to cool off, scraping the bottom of the pan to keep it from sticking.

Enjoy!!

So, Cast Iron. . . PERFECT for for cooking up crickets! (but you gotta use a lid for obvious reasons)

While at the park by my office the other day, Eric and I were enjoying a nice lunch and the topic of cooking with cast iron came up. The big question we had was “why does stuff cooked in a cast iron skillet taste so much better than it would if it was cooked in a regular skillet?” Something as simple as a fried egg… I’m pretty sure I could tell which was cooked in the cast iron.

I’ve done some research on this subject, and although my question wasn’t answered, I did find some interesting facts about cast iron and one very exciting recipe to try. I will share this info now. . .

The most common reason why people do not like cast iron is that they say “everything sticks”. If food sticks to your cast iron skillet, your skillet is NOT seasoned right and you need to re-season it, OR, you just don’t know what you’re doing. Cast iron is a natural non-stick surface and if your skillet has been seasoned correctly, and you use it correctly, food WILL NOT stick!

Seasoning a cast iron pan is a labor intensive process. Don’t be a lazy slacker, “stick” to it and your food won’t stick. You will adore your cast iron utensil’s if you do this right!

American made cast iron cookware, brand new, comes with a thin coating of wax on them. Imports come with a thin coating of water-soluble shellac on them. Either / or. . . it’s gotta come off! Fill your sink with the scalding hot water and a bit of soap. Drop in your skillet and let it marinade until the water cools enough for you to put your hands in it. Using a scrubbing pad, scrub the heck out of it, inside and out. Rinse the pan and put it into a 400 degree oven, upside down, for 1 hour. Be sure to put a large piece of foil on the bottom of your oven to catch anything that might drip off.

After an hour, take the pan out and let it cool completely.

Now you’re ready to begin the seasoning process. Using a paper towel, smear a THIN coat of  vegetable oil, canola oil, sunflower, etc. Shortening like Crisco or lard can also be used. . . and my favorite, bacon grease. Any of these can be used. I stress this though. . . THIN coat. Once the pan is coated, back into the 400 degree oven, this time right side up. Keep that foil in the bottom of the oven. Let it cook for an hour. Take it out, wipe it out, let it cool completely. Repeat this process 3 times.

You are now ready to cook. Don’t worry if your skillet isn’t black yet, in fact it probably won’t be. You’ll need to cook several times before it starts turning that nice coal black.

Proper cooking technique: It’s simple. Never set your heat to over medium high. On my stove top it goes from 1 to 12 (1 being low and 12 being high – numbers are 2 thru 11) 7 – 8 is as high as I ever go. Set your heat and place the pan on the burner and let it heat up for a minute or two. Add a small amount of lubricant, about a teaspoon. I use butter or bacon grease, but sometimes just a quick spray of pam. Swish it around until it all melts THEN a quick dash of salt and pepper right into the bottom of the pan. You are now ready to immediately toss in whatever it is you’re cooking. The big secret here is that you’ve got to heat the pan first.

Cornbread. It is NEVER cooked in my house in anything but cast iron. Pull out your mix and see what temp you need to preheat your oven to. Set the oven on this setting and toss in the cast iron skillet you’re planning on cooking in. Yeah, you’re heating up the skillet too. Now mix your cornbread according to the directions. Once the oven has come to heat, pull out the skillet and shut the door. Spray the skillet with a Pam or swish with a teaspoon of butter. If you use butter, make sure you do the sides. Pour in your batter and spread it out nice and even. When it looks all beautiful, pull it out and enjoy!

Here’s the recipe / idea I found: Deep Dish Pizza! WHY didn’t I ever think of this?!?! I have NOT tried this yet, but plan to very soon. Heat the oven with the skillet in it. Pull it out, lube it, and lay in your dough. (make sure the dough is lots bigger than the skillet so you can come up the sides with it. Now lay in your sauce and toppings and back into the oven to transform into a gorgeous work of culinary art! First time I do this, I think I might cook that dough for 5 minutes or so before I toss in the toppings. Maybe finish it off with 60 seconds under the broiler… we’ll see, play it by ear.

Your Comments

Buzz A. (my cousin) says: Harry, we’ve obviously inherited the bacon gene from our moms. When I was young I ate as much bacon as I could get. Still do. When Carol cooks it up I eat the kids’ share, too. None for them. (“No bacon for YOU!”) I tend to get in trouble for that. No matter how much she cooks I eat it all. One of my fond memories of our son Bill was a trip to a breakfast buffet at the beach twenty years ago. Five year old Bill came back to the table with two plates of bacon piled high and nothing else. Viva la bacon! LMAO… I have this vision of you n’ Carol sitting at the table, and you longingly and lovingly look at your son and say “That’s MY boy!”…. ROTFLMFAO….

Buzz A, adds: And BTW, my favorite sandwiche is meatloaf. In my case, however, it’s served thick and cold on white bread, with mayo, salt and pepper. It’s the only legitimate use for white bread. And just WHICH Mayo do you prefer??? Hellmans or Miricle Whip?

HEY, that’s a darn good question… let’s put it to a vote? (gives me an idea….)

DON’T FORGET TO TAKE OUR RTPAP MAYO POLL!

…Bacon update brought to you by a large group of crickets living in my backyard….

“chirp chirp. . . chirp chirp. . . .chirp. . .chirp chirp. . . chirp chirp. . . .chirp. . .”

Well, alrighty then. . .thanks for the update guys….

Movin’ right along…

What a beautiful sight!!!

Send in your favorite bacon recipe, bacon story, bacon idea, bacon poem, bacon philosophy, bacon – ANYTHING. BACON, the ultimate meat to eat. Who’s idea was it? They need a special place in history, like Abe Lincoln, Henry Ford, Albert Einstein, Rosa Parks. . . Keven Bacon. . . I mean COME ON! Bacon. I have NEVER met a person who doesn’t love bacon. Normal person, not a vegetarian or vegan.  And seriously, if you took a vegetarian or vegan, injected them with some sort of truth serum, they’d confess to missing bacon.

You’ve seen that commercial where the dog runs around the house because is smells bacon…”Bacon, bacon, bacon…I SMELL BACON!” ? Yeah? That’s me in dog form.

Come on people, let’s talk BACON!

YOUR COMMENTS

Chadly says - I’m not sure about a bacon recipe, but I will throw in that Farmer John’s bacon seems to cook up better than any other type I’ve purchased.

It would be fun to do a non-sponsored (AKA Fixed) bacon taste test. I dunno what you’re meaning when you say “fixed”, but not only yes, but HELL yes! NON- Sponsored? Oh, NO. Get all sorts of manufacturers to send me a sample pound of bacon because we’re doing this thing on RTPAP. . . I’d be dead in a week. (what a way to go though – death by bacon – “I’m sorry, but he overdosed on bacon, his heart just couldn’t take it”.) Wouldn’t it be cool if the old saying “An apple a day…”  was really “Bacon every day, keeps the doctor away”. ?

The following poem was written by WarsawNan and is in my humble opinion worthy of a Pulitzer. Because of it’s greatness, I now appoint WarsawNan as RTPAP’s official Poet Laureate…. I give you

Achin’ for Bacon

I’m achin’ for bacon–

fatty, not lean–

crisped up in the oven,

that’s what I mean!

Tossed in potatoes

or served up on bread,

I’ll be achin’ for bacon

’til the day that I’m dead!

I’m achin’ for bacon–

my brother is too!

We just can’t get enough.

How about you?

Bacon’s so tasty,

I love it a lot!

I go to the store and

buy all that they’ve got!

I eat it for breakfast,

for lunch and for dinner.

(Who gives an oink

if I’ll never get thinner!)

To heck with your veggies,

your tofu and greens.

I’m achin’ for bacon–

know what I mean?

What a beautiful sight!!!

I wanna start with one (yeah, there are many) of my biggest culinary pet peeves. It concerns the infamous BLT. The BLT is my second favorite sandwich in the whole world. But I can’t seem to order one at a restaurant that’s worth darn! ANY restaurant. Doesn’t matter which one (I won’t name names). . . You see it on the menu, it sounds great, the waiter places it in front of you, you open it and have a look. . . 3 – 4 measly slices of bacon. . . “you’re kidding, right?” is my first reaction. And on top of the bacon is half a head of lettuce and 12 slices of tomato! I ask for a doggy bag and put most of the lettuce and all but 2 slices of the tomato in it for use at home in my next salad. I cut the two slices of bread in half and reconstruct the sandwich to make HALF of a BLT. 3 slices of bacon, a normal amount of lettuce and 2 slices of tomato. And when the check comes I begrudgingly pay the $6 and when asked “How was everything?” I tell them “Worst BLT I’ve ever had! Serious stingy factor on the bacon!”

When you order a BLT at MY house, you get a serious BLT! One pound of regular ol’ bacon makes TWO sandwiches. Big bread too, Health Nut bread. (I despise white bread and you won’t ever find it in my house. Whole wheat, full bodied bread – that’s all you’ll ever find). If we’re talkin’ thick sliced bacon from the butchers counter, then we can stretch a pound of it to make 3 sandwiches.

Favorite Sandwich: Meatloaf. MY meatloaf. Two thin slices of meatloaf (1/2 inch) on Health Nut bread spread with Miracle Whip… nothing else. Here’s MY meatloaf recipe:

1.5 lbs 80/20 Hamburger

2 eggs

1 pkt Lipton Onion Soup Mix

1 tablespoon garlic powder

1 tablespoon pepper

1 onion diced fine

Mix it all up, form it into a loaf (no loaf pan) and bake @ 375 for 1 hour. Take out, coat with catsup and back in for 30 min. (spoon out all that grease before putting it back in) When you take it out, spoon out any more grease from the pan and let it sit for 15 min. before slicing. If you kick it up to 2 pounds of hamburger, simply add 2 pkts of the Lipton Onion Soup Mix and a tad bit more of the spices.

I serve this with mashed potato’s, gravy (packets or jarred), corn and some sort of nice bread. Truly a comfort food/meal of mine. . . and let’s not forget them sandwiches! My aunt Rosey gave me this recipe years and years ago. Her son Buzzy told me a story of how one night she had made him a couple of these sandwiches to take to work for lunch – the night shift. When it came time for him to eat (and he was very much anticipating said sandwiches), one of his sandwiches was missing! Being a cop in training, he put his detective skills to work and found the culprit, and promptly punched his lights out. VERY understandable!

“Touch my meatloaf sandwich, and I kill you in the face!” – (see Heirloom Phrases over there in Categories)

Final note: Lot’s o(but not all) f the photo’s I use here on RTPAP are from my photo clip art supplier sight. I have a subscription to a pro site that has millions of images to choose from. Very expensive shots to buy should you not be a member. Very expensive to be a member too. . .anyway, I go to the site and key in “BLT Sandwich” and 211 photo’s come up. Each and every one of them are of pathetic (but beautiful) BLT’s that I described at the start of this article. So I went with what you see there at the top.

I THINK BACON IS OUR NEXT TOPIC OF CONVERSATION HERE ON RTPAP. What’s your best bacon recipe and or story?

John Montague, the 4th Earl of Sandwich (1718-1792 dang, 74 was OLD back in them days! – who am I kidding? 74 is old now days!) He is supposed to have invented the sandwich as a quick meal so as not to interrupt his gambling sessions. I think though, some form of a sandwich was probably being eating before this time when more humans ate with their hands rather than using utensils.

The sandwich ranked #5 on our “Top 50 Greatest FOOD IDEA’s in the History of Mankind” (you’ll find that posting there on the right)

The ham sandwich is still the most popular sandwich in the United States, and in second place is the BLT (one of my very favorites!). It is estimated that Americans eat 300 million sandwiches each day!

So, there’s the low down on the infinitely versatile sandwich. And we are having our first ever Sandwich Throw-Down here on Rattle Them Pots And Pans!

Everybody’s got their favorite, and everybody’s probably got one they’ve invented. I’m looking for the invented ones, something completely yours. One that you believe is unbelievably yummy. Send in your recipe. All recipes will be judged by not I, but WarsawNan. This was her awesome idea, she gets to be “da judge”. The ones that sound really good, she’ll actually make. And the one that she chooses as the winner receives “one MEEEELLion Doolars!” – (Dr. Evil). Not really. . . the winner will receive the completely unique and kick-ass album “Music To Cook By” compiled by yours truly. Not to mention all the fame and glory of a culinary victory here on RTPAP.

So get your creativity on, write up you recipe and send it in.

A note from our Judge, the honorable WarsawNan:

“Be warned….. tomatoes NEVER enter my mouth! Pretty much anything else is fair game. Love ANY kind of bread, spicy stuff, green veggies, etc. etc. Just hold the tomatoes if you want to win. If it’s got ketchup or tomato sauce in the recipe, I MIGHT try it. Foods I LOVE to eat that you might wanna consider include artichoke hearts, black olives, avacados, alfalfa sprouts, crab & lobster, EVERY kind of cheese, onions, garlic….. and much, much more.

Good luck!!!”

Your Sandwich Recipes:

Joe W. says - The “Tortuga” (Spanish for Turtle). Get a baget loaf, slice it in half. Spread each half with butter and sprinkle on garlic powder. Place it under the broiler until it just turns golden brown. Pull it out and lay sliced avocado the whole length of one side. On top of that lay slices of white jack cheese, no cheese should be hanging over the edges. On the other half spread a thin layer of peanut butter and on top of the peanut butter lay down strips of crunchy bacon. Put both halves face up back under the broiler until the cheese starts to melt. Pull them out and put them together and you have a “Tortuga”. I like the baget loaf because it’s narrow and fits into your mouth whole. No side to side bites.

Marianne B. says – This is my favorite sandwich.  Spread ranch dressing on two slices of whole grain rye bread. Add slices of avocado, crisp bacon, hot pepper cheese, red leaf lettuce, and slice tomatoes. Yeah, yeah, I know you don’t like tomatoes but I sure do!

Dee L. says - Sausage and Bacon Pizza Sandwich

2 slices bacon sausage (Just enough for sandwich)

Pizza Sauce

Mozzarella Cheese, sliced

Parmesans Cheese

2 slices bread

Cook bacon, drain  and crumble. Brown sausage, drain, crumble and set aside.  Spread pizza sauce on one slice of bread, arrange sausage and bacon on top of sauce.  Sprinkle with parmesan cheese. Top with slice of mozzarella. Place other slice of bread on top.  Butter both sides of bread.  Place on cookie sheet.  Bake in 400 degree oven for 7 min. flip, cook another 5 min. or until nicely browned.  Enjoy!

Joel K. says - Steak Sandwich – When you’re grilling steak for dinner, make an extra one for this sandwich for lunch the next day OR use the left overs (if there are any) I only use rib eye (is there any other kind of steak? LOL) Slice the steak into thin strips and set aside. Broil a loaf of french bread sliced in half with garlic butter. Once the bread is done, lay out the steak on one half and cover it with bleu cheese. And cover the other half with bleu cheese too. Put it back under the broiler until the cheese melts. Put the two halfs together and you have an awesome steak sandwich. I came up with this one after watching an episode of Good Eats.

Debbie C. says - Hot Wings Sandwich: Take 8 – 10 of your favorite hot wings and pull all the meat off of them and place in a bowl. Take a nice fresh thin baget loaf and slice in half and butter both halves with garlic butter and place under broiler until golden brown. Lay your meat on one half and a line of blue cheese dressing down the center of it. On the other half lay a nice even mound of crumbled blue cheese down the center of that. Back under the broiler they go until the cheese melts. Put the two together and you have the first ever Hot Wings Sandwich! We haven’t actually made one yet, I invented it for this contest.

Endego M. says – Breakfast Sandwich. 2 Eggo Waffles toasted. Sausage patty and OR bacon. Fried egg. Small bowl of syrup for dunking. Beats the crap out of an Egg McMuffin!

Shirley says - BLABS Sandwich (Bacon, Lettuce, Avacado, pickled Beets, Sprouts) Lightly toast 2 slices of sourdough and spread with mayo. Add: Mashed avacado, 6 slices crisp bacon, Iceberg lettuce, sliced pickled beets, alfalfa sprouts.

Harrison C. says – Lamb Sandwich – 2 slices of Kings Hawaiian bread, toasted. Mint jelly spread on both slices. Cover one of the jellied slices with shredded roasted lamb. That’s IT – NOTHING else.

Shirley says - Buffalo Pita – Slice a cucumber in half lengthwise and scrape the seeds out. Finely dice 1/4 of the cucumber (save the rest for something else). Thinly slice 1/2 stalk of celery & toss with cucumber and 1 tablespoon (or more if you like) bleu cheese dressing. Fill pita halves with pre-cooked boneless buffalo wing nuggets (leftover from carry-out/fast food, or homemade), veggie mix, and fresh crumbled bleu cheese.

Pablo V. says - Baked Bean Sandwich – Mash well-cooked or canned beans. Season with chopped pickle, mustard and tomato catsup. Use between slices of white bread, buttered.

Jenny J. Says - Canape Sandwich Spread

Mix well: 1 c. chopped black olives, drained

1 c. shredded sharp cheese

1 c. mayonnaise

1 jar bacon bits

Spread on cocktail bread or cut shapes of white rye or wheat bread. Broil or bake until bubbly. Remaining prepared canapes can be frozen. Can reduce the amount of bacon if desired. Dalraida Garden Club rocks!!! What the heck is a ‘canape’?!?! Well, I had to look it up. It’s one of them fancy schmancy tiny appetizer sandwiches with the crust cut off.

Beth M. says - Corned Beef Salad Sandwich

1 can corn beef

1/2 c. diced pickles

2 eggs, hard boiled

1 med. onion, chopped

1/2 c. mayonnaise

Dash of Worcestershire sauce

Dash of mustard

Salt & pepper

Blend corn beef and all other ingredients. Let stand overnight in refrigerator. Spread on your favorite bread, ours in Jewish Rye (Dalraida Garden Club)

2 1/4 c. sifted all-purpose flour

4 tsp. baking powder

1/2 tsp. salt

3/4 c. creamy style peanut butter

1/2 c. sugar

1 tsp. vanilla extract

1 3/4 c. milk

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a 9 x 5 x 3 inch loaf pan. Sift flour with baking powder and salt; set aside. In large bowl with portable electric mixer or wooden spoon beat peanut butter, sugar and vanilla until well combined. Gradually add milk, beating until well blended. Add flour mixture, beating until smooth. Pour into pan. Bake 1 hour or until cake tester inserted in center comes out clean. Let cool 10 minutes. Remove from pan, cool completely on wire rack. To serve, cut into thin slices.

YOUR COMMENTS:

WarsawNan says - A slice of peanut butter bread is awesome spread with soft cream cheese!

George Washington Carver, what a genius! I mean, come on!. . . Peanut Butter! Who doesn’t love peanut butter?!?! Never without it. Probably the most versitile ingredient ever! It’s number 12 on our “Top 50 FOOD IDEA’s of All Time”.

G.W. Carver convinced southern farmers to rotate their crops with peanuts to rejuvenate the soil. After that, all these farmers had butt loads of peanuts and wanted to know what the heck to do with them. G.W. set about the task of “what can you do or make with peanuts?” – Peanut Butter was one of the discovery’s he came up with. (Google G.W. Carvers life story, it’s a fantastic story!)

Let’s talk Peanut Butter! Here’s some of the things I love to do with it.

Ya got your classic: PB&J sandwich. Has to be one of the all time standard kids comfort food. I learned the following trick about making one from my 8 year old niece Briana. 2 pieces of bread, one gets spread with PB, on gets spread with the Jelly, THEN they go together. I’d always made it: bottom slice of bread, spread the PB on it, then spread the Jelly on top of that, then add the top piece. Briana’s way is MUCH easier, spreads nicer.

Chili with Peanut Butter sandwich’s: YES. Chili with PB sandwich’s (NO jelly). And you dunk the sandwich’s in the chili – sounds weird, but it’s not. Pairs wonderfully!

Ty style Raman noodle soup. Raman Noodle Soup mix (I could do a whole cook book on the things to do with Raman noodles), any flavor. Toss the flavor packet in the trash. Boil the water, toss in the noodles. Add diced green onions, some left over chicken, dash or two of sesame oil, tablespoon of Peanut Butter, tablespoon of Ty chili paste and a handful of dry roasted peanuts. Stir it all up until the noodles are ready. Excellent! (cheep too!)

Peanut Butter Bread: Oh my God, it’s SO good. And the BEST: Toast a slice, lather it up with butter, then spread on the peanut butter. The recipe for this bread is in the recipes section.

Peanut Butter on any type of home made warm bread. . . it’s awesome! Toasted banana nut bread!

Peanut Butter Cookies: Oh yeahhhh! The Girl Scout ones are good, but home made – that’s what I’m talkin’ bout! Don’t even bother with making them if you don’t have ice cold milk to go with! (is milk and cookies in our “foods that pair together perfectly? If it’s not, it is after I write this article!)

Peanut Butter on celery or a banana.

And when all else fails, and the kids are clamoring (or you are) “There’s nothing to eat!” Ya got the classic Peanut Butter Spoon. Yep, grab a spoon, open the jar, scoop out a health portion, good to go!

What do you all like to do with Peanut Butter? Let’s hear about em’!

YOUR COMMENTS:

Dee L. says - I like a grilled PB and Banana sandwich. Two pieces of bread, spread PB on one slice, top with sliced bananas. Top with second slice of bread. Butter outside with butter. Grill in skillet for about 3 minutes. Flip and grill for another 3 minutes. Let cool for a couple minutes before eating. YUMMY!

WarsawNan says - If you’ve got a cranky baby, smear some peanut butter on their pacifier. It’ll quiet them right down and keep them occupied for quite awhile. (Do NOT give peanut butter to a baby under one year old!!! They could develop allergies!) Our nephew Brian mixes peanut butter right into a pot of chili. Haven’t tried that myself yet, but I’ll bet it’s good!

I use ramen noodles a lot too, but I don’t throw away the seasoning packets. I mix them into my jar of spice rub for ribs & roasts. I hate to throw out anything that’s usable. Use it as a spice rub, very nice Nan, great idea! I too have done the Peanut Butter right into the chili. I won’t do the whole pot, but just my serving. I’ve found that even better is a side plate with 4 or 5 tablespoons of PB on it. Scoop up a dab on your spoon, THEN fill the spoon with chili.

This is a cake I made for Brit’s birthday last year. I called it a banana split peanut butter cake. Cake is peanut butter. Between each layer I put chocolate pudding, sliced bananas, and carmel syrup. Drizzled chocolate syrup over the whole thing, topped it with a ton of whipped cream, and sprinkled with chopped peanuts. Tasted as good as it looked.

OMG! “Happy birthday” indeed! Scoop of vanilla on the side and you got something worthy of “Star Menu Feature” at any chain restaurant! (I can’t remember any easier recipe post here!)

Banana Splits are my very favorite ice cream treat! Dairy Queen, awesome. Have one about 2 miles from the house. . . I think I need to go get one.

Your Comments

Richard D. says – This cake sound’s like it’s the cat’s delight! I can just picture you sweating over a hot stove getting this sweet treat ready for your man after a hard day’s work. You should do a whole page on men who bake… come on dude, you mean to tell me you don’t get off on baking cake’s?! I don’t know why some guy hasn’t already swepted you off your feet and taken you off the market! Well, rest assured if you keep posting these kind’s of goodie’s to the public, it won’t be long before the rice throwing come’s! Well, I do have to admit the cake does sound good. Keep posting and remember: don’t ask don’t tell. Your friend, Richard D. Well then Richard. . . that is certainly an interesting comment. Your writing style sounds awful familiar. . . Like Donnie Williams, author of the novel, “Where Do Bad People Come From?” and writer / owner of Blogin4Bullies.com. I’ve often wondered if there wasn’t some closet you were dying to come out of….Huh, I guess the truth is out then. Good for you man! I’m flattered yet nauseated by your fantasies of me, please, in the future – keep them to yourself!

Well, would you give Roasted Guinea Pig a try? If somebody else made it? If it looked like that? . . . (if you were really, really drunk?)

Everybody has a Culinary Comfort Zone, your CCZ if you will. Some of us are adventuresome, some of us are very conservitive ‘meat n’ taters’ kinda people. And the entire CCZ revolves around us, protecting us from “weird food”.

Weird food, some people will eat it, some people won’t. I’m one of the people who will, my wife is a “won’t”. My brother Joe, (yeah, the fruitcake guy) definitely a “will”.

What constitutes a food as being “weird” or “too weird”?

In my humble opinion (what? yeah, humble!) it’s anything out of the ‘norm’ of which you are use to. Beef, pork, chicken all in their assorted cuts that an American will find in a regular grocery’s meat section – NOT weird. There are though, some items there one might consider weird. Chicken livers, “not”. Beef tongue, “yeah”

What brought this question to mind? Well, a friend of mine at work, Don, has a new client in L.A. This new client is a butcher who specializes in meat for the diverse cultures of the area. One of the meats he sells is horse. Yes, horse meat. Dons new customer cooked up some in patties for him to sample, and Don said it was ‘outstanding!’ He is going back over this weekend and asked if I wanted him to bring me some back. I mulled that over a bit and finally told him “yeah, bring me some”. That night I asked my wife Debbie about it. She’s horrified at the thought of even having it in the house! Why? “What do you mean ‘why?’ !!! I LOVE horses, they’re my favorite animal in the world! I could no more eat horse then I could eat  Rockie!!!”

Rockie’s our dog. . . yeah, I’ve tried dog before.

Hey, I was in the Navy, in the Philippines, I was drunk, it was an open air market, I didn’t know it was dog until I was half way through it! It was shish kabob style, grilled over an open fire. It was very tasty, Hey I’m sorry! (seriously, very tasty). But honestly, after I found out it was dog, I did pause a bit before finishing the rest.

If you’ve ever watched “Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern” then you know where I’m coming from here. The world is teeming with (what we would consider) weird foods. And Andrew, he’ll eat anything! Me, well. . . I dunno. . . yeah, maybe . . . if I’m drunk enough I guess. . .

Here’s a list of weird stuff I’ve eaten: The weirdest – Dog. Beef tongue. Beef  ’sweet breads’ (thymus gland – fantastic!). Mountain oysters. I dunno, are these weird? Snails, octopus, or brains?

So come this Monday, I’ll have some horse meat to cook up and try.  I’m planning on ‘burgers on the grill’ with it.

I would say I have a pretty big CCZ when it comes to trying something weird, what about you? Ever eat fried bugs of any sort? How bout snake or ostrich? “Vegimite”? There are several regular visitors here that I know are world travelers. . . Tell us something weird you’ve eaten or seen eaten. . . what’s YOUR Culinary Comfort Zone??? – (would you try horse meat?)

YOUR COMMENTS:

Marty C. says – The G.Pig in that photo? yeah, I would try it. But you’d have to cut the head off, yeah, not with the teeth and the eye’s. I think I’d have to be a little drunk too! I’m pretty adventuresome I think. Horse meat? No.

Debbie C. says – Dear husband, I take offence to you calling me a “won’t”. You know darn good and well that I’m a “will”. I will try “just about” anything – including that Grilled Guinea Pig. Horse, dog and cat fall into that ‘just about’ category. It’s a pet/family member thing. Not in a million years would eat one of those 3!

Donny says – THATS GROSE!YER GROSE! REGULER MEAT AND TATERS RULES!

Eric W. says – I lived in Australia for about a year. I tried just about everything there that would be considered weird by American standards. Vegemite? Yes, tried it and liked it a lot. It’s as common there as catsup is here. It’s seaweed paste by the way. And kangaroo, had it countless of times while there. Very good, liked it a lot. Guinea Pig and Horse Meat? No problem, bring it on! I have a gargantuan CCZ. You want truly weird? The orient is know for it’s “100 year old eggs”. Not only weird, but completely disgusting! I did manage ONE bite though – it was awful!

Rachel M. says – we ate a lot of weird stuff living in China. I know my brother tried the duck brains in Beijing once, and Rheanna and Dad ate the scorpions we were offered. Im sure ive eated weirder than ive even realized, lol. There way definiely no end to the cow tendons and spicy stomach lining, and the baby chickens they tried to always make us eat, like it was their version of veal or something (the texture was way too soft, kinda creepy)
Ive heard that horse is fantastic! i would definitely try it if it was prepared for me. I wouldnt have the first clue how to cook it up. If you think about it we only eat slow moving, easy to catch animals mostly. I bet all the fast ones are way tastier:) LMAO, hey, chickens are pretty hard to catch!
Ill pretty much try anything if someone before me tells me its tasty, but i wont try it just for the sake of trying….

Dee L. says – I’m definetly a “won’t”. I’m a very picky eater. The weirdest thing I’ve eaten is lobster, calamari, and Aunt Peggy’s catfish stew, YUCK! (vile!) LOVE lobster, the calamari was just ok. I’m with Deb on the horse,dog,cat or guinea pig, no way.

The following is a response I received via email from Willa J.

I am (on Rattle Them Pots And Pans behalf) that rhetorical swarm of hornets that Willa stirred up with her Vegetarian Philosophy Stick. Don’t think for a second Willa that sending this to me in a private email I wasn’t going to share it with my friends! Not sharing this with the followers of Rattle Them Pots and Pans is completely out of the question!

(Two or three of my articles here had some off handed comments about vegetarians needing to go elsewhere or to ignore this post or some such carnivore punch line)

So, this is the email I recieved . Willa having her say in the matter…

Willa J. says - You meat-eating ass hole! Why must you murderers treat us non-murderers with such animosity? My husband and I must put up with this maliciousness every day of our lives, and we’re getting quite sick of it! I shall no longer hold my tongue on the matter. I will lash out each and every time one of you menaces to the animal kingdom spew forth your genocidal rhetoric.

From your writings, one can deduce that you are a very well-read and educated man with a very sharp wit. On the other hand you seem braggadocio about your unhealthy dietary choices! The analogy (to me) is that of a highly talented and skilled race car driver who constantly is involved in real traffic fender benders. One would think he’d bring his professional skills into the real world, but no – he’s a terrible real world driver. I use the race car driver analogy because I suspect you are a fat, beer swilling, nascar fanatic, and you might possibly be able to relate.

Eating the flesh of one of Gods creatures is not only disgusting, but completely wrong. Our society, as a whole, has had this whole carnivore / herbivore issue wrong from day one. It’s relevant ONLY to the animal kingdom, NOT our human kingdom. God issued the edict “forbidden fruit” NOT “forbidden meat”. Meaning “eat all the fruit you need except this one.” And even THEN we stupid humans got it wrong. The murdering meat eaters were turned loose on the world to continuously get it wrong throughout our recorded history.

I was appalled by your heading design. An adorable little child posing with the poor dead chicken – posed in some sick provocative fashion, suggesting God knows what. But I looked past that and read several of your articles hoping maybe to find something I could use. I was wrong. I found nothing but a bunch of meat eating Neanderthals. I pray that one day you all will see the error of your ways and make the change to what God originally intended.

Never Coming Back.

Praying for your souls.

Willa J.

Willa, you have no idea how much I love a good debate. In fact, I loved it so much as a kid that I was on the debating team in high school. There are several ways I could go in responding to you. I’ve decided to go with what I know best: Wisdom and Sarcasm.

You did manage to get several thing right in your venomous email. I am a “meat eater”, and I am an “ass hole”. But being a meat eater doesn’t make me an ass hole. My ego makes me an ass hole. God made me a meat eater. Oh, yeah – it’s true. Gods word, aka the Bible isn’t a novel that you read in a weekend (which you’ve apparently done), it’s an adventure to be experienced in a lifetime. You obviously believe in God, let me clue you in on two types of his creatures:

Predators and NON-Predators. Predators have “Binocular vision” – eyes on the front of their faces. Great for focusing in on their prey. NON-Predators have their eyes on the SIDE of their faces, great for looking out for predators. They didn’t CHOOSE to have their eyes placed there, God did. Same goes for their teeth. Predators have sharp ones in front for tearing through flesh and flat dull ones in back for crushing bones. NON-predators only have one type of tooth, flat dull grinding ones. They didn’t choose them, God did.

We’re murderers huh? Us meat eaters, we’re murderers? By those standards, a lion must also be a murderer. And so are bears, tigers, and eagles. We need to round em’ all up and put them on trial. What I actually think is: Willa has been watching way too many Disney cartoon movies. The believes the artist renderings are real. That they have souls like humans. And these animated fabrications cross over somehow to Willa’s animal kingdom / ‘real world”

I have some news for you Willa. We humans are at the very top of the animal kingdom. There is NO human kingdom, we are grouped together with all the other animals in the Animal Kingdom. We are “top of the heap”, “king of the hill”, and we are the only ones God gave souls. END OF THE RELIGIOUS SIDEBAR….we’ve covered both sides, let’s move on.

Willa J. says - “I suspect you are a fat, yes I am. beer swilling, I NEVER swill my beer. nascar fanatic, I HATE nascar. and you might possibly be able to relate.”  Willa, you read an awful lot about me here on Rattle Them Pots And Pans dot com, and I only got to read a very little about you. But I certainly have my suspicions about you. “From your writings, one can deduce…” . . . MY turn… I suspect you are:

Pale*, skinny and gaunt*, thinning* salt and pepper hair, late 50’s early 60’s, with large gaps between your otherwise healthy and beautifully maintained teeth*.

You’re married to a man who is also skinny* and gaunt*, short, balding* on top but has a pony tail.

You’ve never had a child but have had several miscarriages*.

You’re both liberals** but certainly not democrats.

(* because you chose to be a vegetarian)

(** because you have a mental disorder)

At one point in your life, you’ve burned an American flag. . . . and you LIED about “Never coming back”! Like me, you to are an ego driven “ass hole”. You think you put me in my place with that “holier then thou” email and you want to see if I commented on it. I don’t even want to know what was going on in that pea brain of your’s with that comment about my header design! It’s meant to put a smile on your face. It’s cute. It’s fun. Try and find some fun in your weird and bizarre life.

(You wear “Berkinstocks” sandals.)

I could go on and on, but I’ll stop here. . . (you’re probably crying). . . don’t bother responding unless it’s with an apology. . .

Some very appropriate dialog from Monty Python comes to mind – “I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Now leave before I am forced to taunt you a second time!”

Your Comments

Gabrielle T. says - Whenever someone brings in God to their vegetarian argument, I have to laugh. They obviously ignore the passage in Genesis 9:3 where God said to Noah after the flood, “Everything that lives and moves will be food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everthing.”

In addition, the Last Supper was a Passover meal and the main star of the meal itself….a lamb. So Jesus ate meat and He was completely sinless. To call someone a murderer for eating meat and praying for their souls as Wilma said she did is preposterous.

WarsawNan says - So much for your G / PG rating.

Chadly says - Harry, can you please ask her which one of the forbidden fruits God didn’t want us to eat? God was always so literal in the Bible, but I guess I missed a part or two about that.

Please don’t tell me that the forbidden fruit was Soy… Please? (begging) I just so love my soyturkey, and soydogs, and soyburger, and soyelk, and soymoose, and soyham, and soylent green, and wait… When did this turn creepy???

Tell her to find another site to preach on… PETA is allowing new posts.

(YOU’VE just told her Chadly)

Dee L. says – How about all those animal sacrifices to God that are in the Bible? And it was God who asked for them, is He a murderer?!?! Oh yeah, that’s in the OLD Testament, that must mean it doesn’t count. Get Off our site Willa! YEAH! and STAY OFF!

Axel E. says - “You’re not only fat and drink beer, you egomanic, you’re also mean…..you pushed this poor unbalanced individual and her other half over the edge…..maybe even postal- you insensitive brute.  Dead chickens and kids are fun?” In THIS context they are – A baby in diapers crawling around on the floor of a chicken slaughterhouse covered in blood and guts, not all that funny.

Eric W. says - Somebody needs to put that crazy b_ _ _ h out of her misery!

Adolf B. says - I apologize for my comment however I do think the arguments aren’t that great. Maybe you can structure it some more? Other that that I do appreciate the post and the contribution   Maybe YOU can stop being so uppity and pretentious and tell us what you really think. (you vegetarian nut job!). . . or maybe not.

Chad Bria HOT WINGS

Seriously, this is an award winning recipe should you ever wanna enter a Hot Wings contest. Best Hot Wings EVER. And give credit where credit is due. Mr. Chad Bria of Surprise, Az taught me this recipe and so far – no commercial wing I’ve tried (and I’m a hot wing coinsure) comes even close.

4 dozen wings

1 bottle of ‘Franks Hot sauce’ (found in the ketchup isle)

1 bottle of Kraft Bleu Cheese Dressing

1 Stick of butter

Garlic Powder to taste (1 – 2 teaspoons)

Crisco for deep fat frying

Preferably a deep fat fryer, but if you don’t have one a deep pot and a wire basket.

Heat your oil to 350 -375 degree’s

Melt the butter slowly with as much garlic as you like,  add the Franks sauce.  When blended, turn heat way down.  Don’t mix in Blue Cheese until the wings are ready to be coated, otherwise it will separate. (if -and when- it does, use a wire whisk to blend it back together).

Rinse and pat dry all the wings.

Toss 6-8 wings at a time into the sauce and coat evenly. Remove and shake off any excess sauce and put the wings into the hot oil. (careful of spattering). After about 3 minutes remove the wings to a paper toweled cookie sheet to drain and cool, start a new batch. Once all the wings are finished – start the process all over again. Recoat the wings in the sauce and re-fry them. This is what makes em’ nice and crusty and tender and spicy. Last step before serving: Toss the wings with the remainder of the sauce until they’re all evenly coated. . . YEAH BABY YEAH!

Don’t like em’ so spicy? Here’s how you adjust the spicy-ness: Equal parts hot sauce and bleu cheese dressing makes them a tad bit spicier then medium. 2/3 bleu cheese dressing to 1/3 hot sauce makes em’ mild. And just the opposite makes em’ spicy. (2/3 hot sauce to 1/3 bleu cheese dressing). So, that extra frying process is what nobody takes the time to do, but it takes these wings over the top to award winning status. When I make these for a party, seriously, I hear over and over “Harry, these are the best hot wings I’ve ever had! – What’s the secret?!”

Well, there ya go – THAT’S the secret!

YOUR COMMENTS:

Jolny T. says – Have you ever thought of using a little pic to some blog content which can keep the viewers way more entertained? Which i just mean I simply just go over with the entire articles created by yours and also this seemed to be very great but due to the fact that I . . . (I dunno, that’s where his/her comment ends…) Have you ever thought of researching what a “run on sentence” is? Have you ever thought of stop posting on blog sites because you can’t compose a cohesive thought or sentence?

Dee L. says - I’m giving this recipe a try for a Super Bowl Party we’re having. I’ll be sure to let you know what everyone thinks of them.

Dee L. says (Post Super Bowl) - Well, the wings were a BIG hit with our guest. We had 3 different kinds. My friend David brought his hot wings and I made this recipe and a sweet bbq wing. This recipe went first and then the bbq. Poor David, his came in last. GREAT recipe, thanks! – Delighted to be of service! (told ya)

Culinary Racist ( http://rattlethempotsandpans.com/edp/culinary-racism ) need to be outed. When you witness one, send it in. Racism

Adam Richman – Man vs. Food host, Travel Channel – Culinary Racist. Doing a pancake pig-out there in Hawaii. Before the pig-out,  he takes us on a field trip of sorts to other cool places to eat. At one such place he gets all ga-ga over how good and “traditional” it was going to be . . . because. . . the chef was “Born and raise right here on the island, his family roots go way back here on Hawaii…blah blah blah”.

Here’s my challenge Travel Channel: Let me watch that chef cook the dish one more time (in real time, right there by his side).  The next day, both the chef and I cook the exact dish again and serve it to Adam to judge which is best. Actually, that’s not a good enough contest. Too easy (50-50 chance) of odds. Here’s a better contest. The chef still shows me how to cook the dish in real time. It’s taped, and the next day we show it to 10 of Rattle Them Pots And Pans home chefs. On the forth day, we all get together and prepare the exact same dish and have Adam pick which one is his “home-boy”. I think it would be a great episode / special / for any cable network. . . Culinary Racism Exposed! Each episode we confront some chef (home or pro) we come to find out is a Culinary Racist. We challenge them to make their signature dish and put it up against X number of our ‘knock-off dish’. . . . (we couldn’t possibly cook a Hawaiian dish, we’re ‘howlies’. – “Really? Bring it on Poi Boy!”) – BTW, Poi is horrid!

I dunno, it would mean all of us having to travel to Hawaii and spending several days there (in a corporate jet no doubt – come on, don’t let that put you off!). . . probably make us accept some sort of monetary donation for us appearing on TV and all. . . . what do y’all think?

Your Comments -

Rachel M – im in!!

Joe W. – Damn racist bastiga’s, hang em’ all! You’d better be picking me as one of the people who go over with you!

Dee L. – Oh doggie, you KNOW I’m there! I’ve ALWAYS wanted to go to Hawaii, I’m good with just paying expenses!

Cuz Buzz – Count me in, too. Be sure to take us to Hawaii for the contest!

Shrimp with Lobster Sauce

by Joe Conlon

This is another of my favorite Chinese dishes. You can do it with Lobster or crab meat too. It helps if you have everything mixed up, the eggs beaten and everything ready to go before you start. This is another one that cooks really fast once you’ve got the preparation ready to go. A few years ago I had to alter the recipe to omit the eggs since both my wife and son developed allergies to eggs. It’s still good without the eggs, but if you don’t have the egg allergy problems, I recommend following the recipe with the eggs.

Seafood (How Much!?)

3 Tablespoons peanut oil

1 lb. Large peeled, deveined large shrimp

Heat the oil in a wok or large fry pan to about 365 degrees and fry the shrimp for just under a minute only until they turn pink and remove the shrimp from the pan.

Vegetable and meat mixture

½ lb raw ground pork

1 lemon-sized onion chopped fine

1 Tablespoon fresh ginger root chopped fine

4 cloves garlic chopped fine

1 hot chili or jalapeno pepper chopped fine

Add the pork and onion to the oil in the pan and brown. Add theonion, chili pepper, ginger and garlic and stir fry.

Seasoning

3 Tablespoons Kikoman soy sauce

1 teaspoon Accent (MSG)

2 Tablespoons creme sherry

1 Tablespoon sugar

Whisk the above seasonings together in a small bowl and add to the vegetable and meat mixture. Mix well 4 eggs beaten with a dash of salt. Drizzle the beaten eggs over the fried ingredients as you stir fry. Garnish with ½ cup green onion chopped fine. Add green onion to the pan mix well.

Glaze

½ cup water

2 teaspoons cornstarch

1 teaspoon soy sauce

Mix the glaze and stir into the mixture. Return the shrimp to the panand stir well until coated. Serve with rice.

Serves 4 to 6

Where the heck is the Lobster that makes up the ’sauce’?! (I think somebodies been hittin’ the Fruitcake and writing down recipes!)

Your Comments:

WarsawNan says – FYI, HW, it’s called “lobster sauce” because it is typically served ON lobster, not because there’s suppose to be lobster IN the sauce. Just like “ice cream syrup” doesn’t have any ice cream IN the syrup, and “taco sauce” doesn’t have tacos IN the sauce.

(Me, sitting here with that squinty-eyed conspiracy look on my face). So, when you order Lobster with this sauce you’d order “Lobster with lobster sauce” or simply “Lobster with sauce”? Kinda sorta makes sense what you said. . . stupid. Thanks! You’ve added yet another phrase to my pet peeve list.

NOT a big fan at ALL of putting anything but BUTTER on lobster. I do nothing with lobster cept boil it and melt some butter for dunking each bite. I don’t think I’ve EVER done anything other then that with lobster. Lobster Recipes: Keep em’. Not interested. Would NEVER take a chance ruining some lobster with a weird recipe I’ve never tried. As far as my favorites go, Lobster ranks rite up there with bacon. Unlike bacon though, lobster is NOT versatile at ALL. There’s only ONE way to eat it – boiled and dunked in butter. (IMHO)

Boldly says - Hi there, Interesting, I`ll quote it on my site later. Thanks

Hey Rattle Them Pots And Pans!:

I can’t believe it’s already 2010!  Where does the time go?

There are so many exciting things to look forward to in the next year and one thing I couldn’t wait to tell you about is the Metropolitan Cooking & Entertaining Showin Atlanta on May 1-2, 2010.

That’s right y’all, I’m coming back to the Cobb Galleria Centre on May 1st!  I’d love for y’all to come join me and my friend Bobby Flay for a fun-filled weekend with cooking demos, shopping, tastings and much more!

Tickets just went on sale and they are selling fast — there are less than 25 seats left for my special luncheon event.  So you better hurry up and purchase your tickets today.

It’s going to be quite an event y’all and I hope to see you there. . .

And Harry darlin’, I see you have those questions ready for me to answer. I promise sugar in the next week or two I’ll answer each and every one of em’. It’s just that I’m busy as a one armed paper hanger these days, I hardly have time to boil an egg!

Paula

PS  Guess What!!  The Show is now offering an exciting new MEET, GREET & FRONT ROW SEAT ticket.  I sure would love to meet y’all in person!  Y’all had better hurry up and buy your VIP tickets today because there are only 15 spots left!

Folks, below is the original posting from Paula Dean along with 10 questions gathered over the last 5 weeks. I’d love to say that Paula is a regular visitor, but she’s only been here 3 or 4 times since we got up and running the week of Thanksgiving. Hope she comes back to answer our questions. (She’s got the coolest stuff at her online store!)

Harry, your blog site is just too funny honey! Your stories are simply precious! Love your writing style. I’ve told several of my friends about it, hope they visit you and post some comments. One of the ladies on my staff says that you’d like to do an interview on something called Skype. I don’t really know what that is, but I think the idea sounds fun,(I usually get paid for stuff like that honey. My manager would have a fit!). Maybe you could just send me some questions and I’ll answer them when I get a chance. But you have to promise me you won’t tease me like you do your poor fruitcake brother! Y’all need to stop picking on him like that. I think what he’s doing with your aunts recipe is wonderful (although a little bit gross!) I wouldn’t try that fruitcake for all the tea in China! Is he really gonna eat it live on the youtube thing? I don’t know if I have the stomach to watch something like that!

Loved your story on Culinary Racism. I might be guilty of that myself, but when I do it, it’s all in fun, tongue in cheek sort of thing. Of course you’re right on anybody cookin’ anything no matter who or where they come from! Keep up the good work Sugar!

Your Friend Paula D.

Paula!!! Great to have you back again! Couldn’t help but notice that your post was in the “Who’s your favorite food network star”, come on now…you were lookin’ weren’t you? – where you placed, huh? Come on now. . . (hey, I voted for ya!) Skype is simply an Instant Messaging program that you can have a live feed video of all the people signed on to participate in the interview I wanted to do. I understand all the legalities you have to put up with to do something like that. Your staff member Erica sent me a nice email explaining it to me, and we’ll take whatever we can get. I’ll ask the readers for their input on what questions to ask you and get them to you asap. Thank you SO MUCH for your participation here at Rattle Them Pots And Pans! – Your cyber cooking buddy’s, Harry & friends.

Paula: Answer away my dear. Here are the 10 questions submitted by our readers that you said you’d answer… (you’re my hero!)

Questions for Paula (as of 1/12/10)

1. Your Host asks: Is it true that you once said that you approve of cussing in the kitchen, that it helps relieve tension?

2. Dee L. asks: How’s the head after getting hit with that ham? Hope you’re OK, it looked like it hurt a lot!

3. Joe C. asks: Paula, do you want my aunts Fruitcake Recipe?

4. Wilma W. asks: Paula, do you have any inside info you could share with us for any Paula Deen shows, programs, books or stuff like that? My husband and I just love you to pieces!

5. Daniel K. asks: Are you married? If not, will you marry me? (border line stupid Daniel)

6. Julia W. asks: Did you go to any culinary school, or are you a graduate of “old school”?

7. Wilma W. asks: Are there any Hollywood movie offers for you? I think you’d be great in the movies!

8. WarsawN asks: How far in advance of the holidays do you actually film your holiday shows?

9. WarsawN asks: Do you ever eat at fast-food restaurants and, if so, what’s your favorite?

10. Dee L. asks: I LOVE your recipes, and am a BIG fan of butter myself, but….. Have you had your cholestrol checked and if so, was it high?

Come on now folks, serious questions only. I’ve had a lot of stupid & goofy questions (you know who you are!) posed that I’ve had to ignore, knock it off and gimme some good questions!

Dee L.-You should take # 5 off Harry. If Daniel were a REAL Paula Deen fan, he’d know she is married to the love of her life, Michael Groover. She has 2 sons, Bobby and Jamie, a grandson named Jack and an Aunt Peggy whom she adores. Any true Paula Deen fan knows this.
Umm, Dee, I wouldn’t exactly say ol’ Danny boy is a ‘true’ fan of Paula in the cooking sense, more in the way of a . . . umm.. . .a lustful sense. And we’ll go ahead and leave it right there. (it was the closest thing to a decent question I could get out of him)
But thanks for answering Paula’s questions for her. (!!!)

by Dee Lowe (writer of our Willie Nelson song “Momma’s Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Bad Cooks” in ‘Cooking with Kids’)

Just made this for dinner, VERY good! I call it Lazy Day Beef and Noodles. It was a cold day here in Florida and I am in need of some comfort food. I am just getting over the flu bug and didn’t feel quite up to making beef and noodles from scratch. Threw this together in the crockpot, made some Reem’s Egg Noodles. Served it with peas and Hawaiian Rolls and butter.

1 ½ lbs. stew meat

1 can Campbells Cream of Mushroom Soup

1 can Campbells French Onion Soup

Mix the soups together until well blended. Place meat in crockpot, pour soup over meat. Cook on low for 6 – 8 hours. Serve over Egg Noodles.

So simple, yet so good.

Rated R

(sorry, couldn’t write this without some cussin’)

Tolerance of spicy foods DOES NOT define your manliness. When did THIS belief sneak into our culture?! I was watching Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives last night and Guy was in this little hole in the wall that specialized in really spicy hamburgers. They made this sauce that goes on all their burgers and it looked completely miserable. All these different chili peppers, mustard, radishes, some battery acid and blah blah spicy blah. Guy takes a bite of a burger they made for him and reels back in shock at the spiciness of it. The chef then gives him the “You fricken WIMP” look. Makes some off handed comment about his manliness. . .

You will find no other person who is more delighted with spicy food than yours truly. I LOVE SPICY FOOD. All types, with multiple levels of flavors. But when you prepare a dish simply for hotness sake, ONE flavor level – pain. . . count me out. It’s stupid. Those who believe tolerance of spicy foods defines your toughness: You’re idiots. You have no culinary passion nor taste. You’re most likely in-bred and most comfortable living in a trailer park. You’re a jackass. Being able to consume food that is so spicy and lacking in no other flavor that, it burns your mouth, makes you cry and sweat and groan in discomfort does not mean you’re a bad ass. It means you’re a DUMB ass.

Chili: There’s a short story that’s been circulating on the internet for about 10 years. “Confessions of a Chili Judge” or something like that. Funny story, I’m sure most of you are familiar with it. Not a true story, but certainly a very funny one. If you haven’t read it, here’s a link to it, go read it. Judge #3 is my frame of reference:

http://www.jokecrazy.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1322

So you get these morons who take the time to make a batch of chili with all sorts of good ingredients and all, and then they put it to simmer. The last thing they do is smile, all evil like, give a Snidely Whiplash laugh, and scrape in their last ingredients of what ever they use to make it spicy, peppers of all sorts, horseradish, red pepper flakes, chili powder, Tabasco,  curry, sulfuric acid and whatever. As they do so, they’re slowly nodding their heads, smiling like a villain who’s poisoning their enemy and most likely thinking “That’ll show these son-of-a-bitches who’s a bad ass and who’s not! Separate the men from the boys!”

Then they serve it up. You take a bite and react with disdain. You are now, in their eyes, a pussy.

I just don’t get it! Ranks right up there with Culinary Racism. Let’s call this Culinary Retardation.

“I admire the valuable information you offer in your articles. Great post, You make valid points in a concise and pertinent fashion, This is a really good read for me, many thanks to the author”

Great to have you on board Tabitha! Come back often and don’t be afraid to share some of your cooking adventures and or recipes with us. Thanks for the kind words / review. Many ‘your welcomes’ to the visitor!

Harry – rattlethempotsandpans.com

Joe & daughter Joy. Thats the little angel tearing bread for stuffing in my header design, all grown up and beautiful.

Chinese Cooking

Joe Conlon 12/29/2009

Probably my favorite cuisine to both cookand eat is Chinese. My dad turned me on to Chinese food when I was a boy in Indianapolis andhe would take us to the Jong Me restaurant on special occasions. In the early 1970’s, when I was stationed on Okinawa without my family, I was very lonely and very bored. I signed up to take a course in Chinese cooking that was run by the Japanese wife of one of the officers on the base. She taught from her own little paper bound cookbook that she had written, and I loved her course and learned all the techniques I still use today. I still have that little cookbook and it is still my favorite for Chinese cooking although I have added my own little touches over the years to most of the recipes I use.

Sweet and Sour Pork

The best you’re likely to get anywhere. Master this dish and you’re sure to impress your guests with your culinary skills. It tastes better than any restaurant version you’re likely to have had, and the colors are beautiful together. It takes a long time to do the preparation for it, but the cooking itself goes really fast.You can make the meat and the sauce ahead of time and the meat will freeze well so when you make it, you can make extra and freeze what you don’t use for later. This is one of the recipes I learned in my Chinese Cooking class in Japan and it’s one of my family’s favorites. AND the one my little brother and Rattle Them Pots And Pans host used to wow his future in-laws with. It works equally well for chicken or beef.

Meat: 1 pound lean pork loin or chop cut into 1″ cubes

Marinade:1 Tablespoon creme sherry

1 clove garlic mashed

2 Tablespoon Kikoman soy sauce

½ teaspoon Accent (MSG)

1 Teaspoon fresh ginger root minced

Mix the above well and soak the meat 2-3 hours or overnight.

The Batter

2 egg yolks or 1 egg

4 Tablespoons cornstarch

Mix well. Add additional cornstarch if necessary to achieve a stiff batter. Drain the meat and combine with the batter. Roll in additional cornstarch to coat it well. Deep fry the meat in peanut oil at 375 to 420 degrees F. Until it’s crisp and golden brown. Only takes a few minutes. Turn out onto paper towel to drain and save for later. (You can do this part ahead of time and store in the frig or freezer. You can also do the same technique with chicken or shrimp.) Because of my wife and son’s egg allergy, the way I now do this step is to eliminate the eggs altogether and just roll the meat, still wet from the marinade, in dry cornstarch and then fry as usual. If you don’t have the egg allergy problem, do it the original way.

The Sweet and Sour Sauce

6 Tablespoons sugar

½ cup unsweetened pineapple juice

2 Tablespoons soy sauce

3 Tablespoons ketchup

1 Tablespoon creme sherry

½ cup water

3 Tablespoons white vinegar

2 Tablespoons cornstarch

Combine the sugar, soy sauce, wine, vinegar, pineapple juice and ketchup and bring to aboil. Mix the cornstarch and water together and pour into the boiling ingredients and stir overlow heat until thick. Set aside for later. (This step can be done ahead of time too and stored inthe refrigerator. This sauce is good for dipping Egg Rolls etc. too.)

The Vegetable Mixture

6 Tablespoons peanut oil

1 medium onion cut into chunks

½ cup carrots cut on diagonal ( I usually use the little baby carrots whole)

1 can bamboo shoots, and/or 1 can whole water chestnuts (both optional)

1 green pepper cut into bite size chunks

1 red pepper cut into bite size chunks

1 can pineapple chunks (in unsweetened juice) Or better yet, fresh pineapple cut in chunks

1 tomato cut into bite size chunks

Place the oil into hot wok or large fry pan and heat to about 420 degrees F. Add the veggies inthis order: Onions and carrots (which take a little longer to cook) and stir well for about aminute. Add the bamboo shoots and peppers and stir fry. Addthe pineapple and tomato and stir. Add the sauce and blendinto veggies. Add the meat, combine well until all is warmedthrough. You want the veggies to stay crisp, so this entire steptakes less than five minutes. Serve with rice. Serves 4-6people and you can easily double the recipe if needed.

The No Fail Rice

Use 2 to 1 ratio for liquid to rice.

1 cup rice

2 cups chicken stock

½ teaspoon salt

1 Tablespoon butter

Combine ingredients in pot and bring to a boil. Stir,cover the pot and turn down the heat to low. Cook 18-20minutes covered. Fluff with a fork. Serves four.

So, that BBQ Pizza recipe. . . Beer and Pizza: That’s what I’m talking about here. Red wine and spaghetti, olives and tomato’s, peanut butter & jelly, tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, you can’t have one without the other. Well, you CAN, but it’s just not gonna be as good. So that’s the question I pose – WHAT are perfectly paired foods?

It happens. And when it does, it’s not pretty. The wife calls out “Dinners ready!” and we all gather in the kitchen to serve our selfs and find that tonights dinner is her wonderful spaghetti. . . but there’s no garlic toast. I can eat spaghetti without red wine, but no garlic toast?! It’s heart breaking.

Fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies comes out of the oven, let em’ cool for a couple minutes, toss 2 or 3 on a plate, grab a glass and open the fridge door….no milk. ”The horror!” < Apocalypse Now impersonation of Colonel Kurtz played by Marlon Brando> (not that I won’t eat the cookies or anything…I’m just sayin’….)

So, WHAT say you all?

What are PERFECTLY paired foods?

Our Comments:

Red Wine & Spaghetti - Host

Spaghetti & Garlic Toast - Host

Olives & Tomato’s - Host

Peanut Butter & Jelly - Host

Tomato Soup & Grilled Cheese Sandwiches - Host

Tomato’s & cottage cheese - Harrison C.

WarsawNan – Cheeseburger & fries

Chili & peanut butter sandwich

Pork chops & applesauce

Meatloaf & mashed potatoes

Salt rising toast & butter – (Salt Rising Bread is the PERFECT toasting bread. Not found west of the Mississippi. You must make it yourself. It’s complicated, but well worth the effort if you’re a big fan of Toast and Butter)

Dee L – Ham/Beans & Cornbread
Sausage/Gravy and bisquits
Beans and Weenies

Cuz Buzz – BBQ and cole slaw

Chadly – Hot Wings and Beer. Pizza and Beer.

Pizza King BBQ Pizza

Before I moved away from Indiana, at least once a week I would have for lunch a Pizza King Barbeque Pizza and one large beer. And like White Castle, (see white castle recipe in the ‘recipe’ category) Pizza King has no restaurants here in Arizona. As luck would have it, I nailed this knock off recipe on the first time and have not altered it one bit in 20 years. Twenty years ago, my wife Debbie, while grocery shopping, asked me the simplest question “What sounds good for dinner tonight?”

“Barbeque Pizza” I longingly groaned.

“What?!” she asked with that grossed out look on her face.

I told her my fondness for this pizza and she said “So get the stuff you need and make one… it sounds nasty, but it sounds simple to make.”

So that’s what I did. And like I said, nailed it on the first try. And Debbie changed her mind on the ’sounds nasty’ part too – she loves it!

Pizza King BBQ Pizza

1 tube Jimmy Deans ORIGINAL sausage

½ bottle (aprox.) Bill Johnsons ORIGINAL BBQ sauce

1 tube Pillsbury Pizza Crust

Shredded Mozzarella Cheese

Corse ground corn meal

Cookie sheet sprayed with Pam and slightly sprinkled with the corn meal.

Fry the sausage. Make sure you bust it up nice and fine while you fry it. Drain in a colander and quickly rinse with really hot tap water. (you don’t want all the grease out, but most of it.)

Gently spread out your dough. It’s kind of hard to work with, but be patient and try and spread it out so it’s nice and thin. After it’s spread out nicely, put it in the oven and pre cook it a bit. (375 degrees I think – whatever’s on the directions). Take it out right before it starts to turn color. This is going to make for a nice crunchy crust. . . But watch it like a hawk.

Now instead of pizza sauce, you’re going to use the barbeque sauce. Spread it out evenly, then the sausage, then top with the cheese. Back in the oven and watch it like a hawk. You want the top to be slightly golden brown. Tilt an edge of the pizza and check the bottom as it cooks. If the bottom is browning faster than the top, turn on the broiler and finish it off with that.

If there is no beer in the house, don’t even bother making this pizza. ICE COLD Beer in a frosted mug is a MUST with this pizza. And God bless my brother George, who years and years ago sent me a genuine Pizza King mug. It’s kept in a small padded and red velvet lined compartment in my freezer and it only comes out on BBQ Pizza night. When removed from this holy storage spot, a choir sings a long C note. . . “Ahhhh h h h h. . . .”

Our Comments / Discussions

WarsawNan – No pizza stone? No homemade crust??? Surprising. I make pizza frequently. Will give your recipe a try, but will substitute my own sourdough crust, kick the temp up to 500-degrees, and bake on the pizza stone.

Yeah, pre-made crust and no pizza stone – I know. But really, our site here is about ‘easy’ stuff to cook. Not written in stone or nothing. As far as the ’stone’ goes, I use to have one of those but dropped it and it broke. We had a small prayer service for it and then buried in with a short but eloquent ceremony in the back yard. Using a pizza stone gives you a wonderfully crunchy, more traditional crust like it was baked in a brick oven. BBQ Pizza MUST have thin and crunchy crust.

Dee L. – I LOVE Pizza King BBQ pizza! I thought they used beef though on theirs. Guess that must be the Pizza Huts BBQ. Can you duplicate Pizza Kings Hot Sub Sandwich? I’m counting the days down until May when I go back to Indiana for a visit and can go get one!!!!

OMG, I had forgotten all about the PK HOT Sub Sandwich! They’re fantastic! I want one! I remember watching them being made. They’re made on the same prep line as the pizza’s, with the same ingredients as used on the pizza’s. No sauce, but I think they finish them off with Heroin or something. Pop em’ into the conveyor oven open faced and when they come out they’re browned up beautifully! All the meats give off their nice oils that dissolves the Heroin and soaks into the bread…awesome. (I think they might use the Heroin in that BBQ Pizza too). . . day after day you’ll go back with that craving. . . somebody should do something!

WarsawNan says – Had a pizza party last weekend. Would you believe they don’t HAVE Bill Johnson BBQ sauce here! (Indiana – “the horror…” – Apocalypse Now) WTF!! We substituted Sweet Baby Ray’s on one, and we also went by PK and just bought sides of their BBQ sauce. Both turned out pretty good. During my second pregnancy, there was a PK next door to the school I was going to, and I HAD to eat a PK chef salad every single day for lunch. Couldn’t get enough of them!

“Every cigarette takes 17 minutes off your life, every slice of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life. If you smoke and eat bacon fast enough, you can go back in time.”

-David Penny-

World’s Best Chicken Soup recipe by Joe Conlon

Good for the body — Good for the soul. Also known as Jewish penicillin or cure for the common cold.

First of all, soup to me is an attitude rather than a specific recipe. What follows is the way I do it. Don’t be afraid to get creative. I usually throw in most of the leftover veggies in the refrigerator and cast spells over the pot as it simmers.  Ingredients:

Stock

2-3 Tablespoons olive oil Lawry’s seasoned salt (about 1 ½ tsp)

2 cloves of garlic crushed ½ tsp pepper

1 chicken 2 carrots chunked

1 large can chicken stock 2 stalks celery chunked

1 medium onion 2 –3 ozs. Creme Sherry wine

several slices fresh ginger root water

Cut up the chicken. Put the olive oil and garlic in the bottom of the pressure cooker and fry for a minute. Add the chicken and fry for a minute or two. Add all the other ingredients to the pressure cooker. I peel the onion and leave it whole but run a knife through the center of the onion to keep it from falling apart in the pot. Place the jiggler on the pressure cooker and cook on high until it starts jiggling. Turn down heat to low and cook for 30 minutes. Place pot under cold running water to release pressure. When the thing hisses and releases pressure, take off the top and remove the chicken and bones and onion and veggies and ginger root. Throw away the veggies and let the chicken cool while you continue the next step. Return the open pot and stock to the flame and add the veggies below.

4 medium potatoes, cut into ½ cup uncooked rice

bite size cubes 1 cup noodles

1 can sliced water chestnuts ½ cup chopped celery

1 can mushrooms pieces &amp; stems 1 small can corn or ½ cup frozen corn

or fresh mushrooms sliced 1 medium onion chopped

½ red pepper chopped (Any good looking leftovers)

Simmer for about ½ hour until veggies are tender. While the soup is cooking, remove the meat from the chicken and add it to the pot. Taste the spicing and adjust as necessary, adding seasoned salt, pepper, garlic powder, ginger as necessary. Be careful to not add any bones. Enjoy. This soup gets better the next day and it freezes well. Keep some in the freezer for when you’re feelin’ poorly and it’ll fix you right up. Serve with fresh bread hot from the oven. Mmmm good!

Chicken Soup Stories

“I’ve won several cooking contests from newspapers and ribbons at the county fair with this recipe. Whenever anyone in the family had a cold, I made chicken soup. Scientific research has showed that chicken soup really does help you feel better — they don’t know why, but it works. That’s why the chicken really crossed the road. He wanted to be famous and heard I was the guy that could make it happen. I invited him for dinner and the rest is history.

There are lots of caves in the area around Bloomington, Indiana. When I was in college at I.U. one Saturday I had gone caving. On returning to my room — tired and extremely muddy, I opened my closet door to get a towel planning on heading to the shower. There was a terrible squawk and a blur of white hit me about knee level. I screamed and jumped backward into the hall buck naked. I peaked back into my room to see a terrified chicken running around the room.

One of the pledges of the fraternity had found a chicken wandering around in the back yard and had decided it would be a good prank to put it in my closet and see what happened. Needless to say, he was quite pleased with my reaction. I got an egg from the kitchen and told the pledge the chicken had laid it in my closet and it was his duty to hatch it. I showed all the brothers my parlor trick of how I could hypnotize a chicken (which my great Aunt Marg Reutter had taught me how to do as a boy on her farm in Fowler, Indiana ). A few days later we got tired of the chicken and gave it to our fraternity’s cook who I assumed made soup out of it. A day later a little girl showed up looking for her lost chicken. We lied and said we hadn’t seen it since we didn’t want to break her heart by telling of its true fate.”

Joe Conlon

Story #2: “The first food I ever made for Joyce was my famous chicken soup. It was on the day I met her. She and her roommate Margaret had come over to see my roommate Tom. While Margaret and Tom went into the rear of the apartment to talk, I was left to entertain Joyce. I thought she was the most beautiful creature I’d ever seen and I thought she was a dead ringer for Olivia Hussey who starred in a movie of Romeo and Juliet that I had just seen about eight times in the week before I met her. I’d been cooking that day and dearly wanted to impress her. So I offered her a bowl of my chicken soup. It must have worked because we had two great kids together and the rest is history.”

Technical difficulty’s getting that thing up and running….please stand bye….(WordPress is a P.O.S. – NEVER use it if you can help it)

OK, this is perfect prime rib. And also note that “Prime” Rib usually can’t be found in most grocery stores. It refers to the cut of meat and ‘prime’ is the best there is. The cut of meat you’ll find in the grocery might be labeled as Prime Rib, but closer inspection will be marked as USDA ‘choice’. (2nd best) It’s just a Beef Rib Roast

. . . a n y w a y. . . .

1 Prime Rib Roast

Salt

Pepper

Garlic Powder AND Garlic Cloves – 12 – 15

With a pairing knife stab this roast as many times as garlic cloves you intend to use. Insert a clove into each incision.

Meat should be at room temperature 1-2 hours, rub outside with Salt, Pepper, and Garlic Powder. How much? I dunno, equal parts pepper and garlic powder, less on the salt…I eyeball it. If you MUST have measurements go with 2 tablespoons each of the pepper and garlic and 1 tablespoon of salt.

Turn oven to 450, preheat. Roast prime rib for 30 minutes; turn off oven. Do not open door for 6-7 hours! (Put a sign on the oven door to warn death to anybody who does)

Turn oven on at 450 and roast for 30 minutes before serving. Roast will be perfect medium-rare.

The juice made from the roasting is removed and placed into individual tiny bowls for dunking OR poured into a sauce pan, brought to almost a boil, and a cornstarch slurry slowly stirred in until it thickens a bit, but not to a gravy thickness…just slightly thickened. Watery is the traditional – how they do it in most restaurants – way to do it. I think the thicker way is best, clings to the meat better.

Dunkin’ Sauce

1 tbsp. lemon juice

1/4 c. plain yogurt

1 tbsp. prepared horseradish

And of course I’m estimating the measurements here. Mix and taste until you get it right. The horseradish – there’s that real smooth mayonnaise type that works good to for a more smooth like sauce.

One last note: My favorite piece is the heal… awesome!

Your Comments

Marianne B. asks – I know you will probably boo me off the website, but here goes. What would be the roasting time if I wanted it medium well or well done, preferably well done. It’s okay if it’s a little pink in the middle, I can always eat the ends.

DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN! WHY would you want to do that to a Prime Rib Roast?!!? I’m not telling you anything about how to RUIN a wonderful cut of meat like Prime Rib Roast. I WILL tell you how to RUIN YOUR OWN SINGLE SLICE of Prime Rib. Take YOUR SLICE (thats already cooked to rare or medium rare, 1″+ in thickness) outside with a cast iron skillet and half a dozen pats of butter. Using your gas grill burner, heat the skillet on high for 5 to 10 minutes. Toss in 3 pats of butter and immediately toss the slice of meat on top of the sizzling butter. Let the meat sizzle and smoke (it’s gonna smoke like crazy, that’s why you’re doing it outside) for 60 to 90 seconds. Toss the other 3 pats of butter on top the meat and immediately flip it and cover with a lid and cook another 60 to 90 seconds. This will thoroughly ruin (by any CIVILIZED standard) this piece of meat but still give it a nice crusty flavorful outer crust. (shaking my head and belly in disgust). You might want to time your cooking with your Venus De Milo statue with the clock in her belly, and maybe enjoy your meal (don’t forget the ketchup!) in front of your velvet Elvis painting while washing it down with Kool Aid (in a jelly jar of course).

Here’s a new reader / visitor that unfortunitly I pissed off.

TRISH says – WAS enjoying your foodie whateverings until the Presidential bashing regarding the Turkey Redemption (President Obama’s Turkey Recipe has been removed) gig that has been SOP for a few Presidentials…advice, stick to food !! No, not as faithful to O, just tired of the omnipresent need to bash the current one more than remembering for others (well, other than Bushie , who frankly deserved truer bashables but has gotten off from any real accountability no matter that we as a naton are a void that should have been avaoided but was not for a multitude of misconceptualized reasonings that ended up plundering this nation from coast to coast and NONE held accountable but presently only the current CIC is to pay for the sins of the previous occupant and , blah, blah, blah. B-O-R-I-N-G, obviously and so repetitive and further blah, blah, blahas !!

Dear Trish, of course you are 100% correct. I will never again let my political views taint this site. I do feel some explaining is in order. I was working on the site while the TV was going with the news on (which it usually is). That story came on and it really pissed me off. It just got under my skin big time. I don’t care WHO the president is, stunts like this are undignified and completely embarrassing to me as an American. Before I knew it, I had posted it. Had second thoughts about doing so, but just let it ride. On your advise I have removed the article and I PROMISE, never again to do such a thing. It’s a cooking / food / stories site for cryin’ out loud. Thanks for the advise, please continue coming back and PLEASE: Share some of your cooking adventures with us – we’d love to have you back.

Of course, these aren’t going to taste good if you don’t like the ingredients, but to me – nothing better than these little mouthfuls.

1 cherry tomato and 2 green olives. Pop all three in your mouth and enjoy.

1 bite size Reeses Peanut Butter Cup wrapped with 1 slice of not quite crunchy, thick sliced bacon. “Exxxcellent Smithers!”

Loaf of crusty bread, small saucer of good olive oil with lots of black pepper on top, a tiny drizzle of good balsamic vinegar. Tear a chunk of bread, sop up some oil, eat. Red wine always goes perfect with this. (Very Euro meal) <experimenting with different dried herbs and spices is a lot of fun>

Got anything like this? Let’s hear it.

Your Comments:

Rachel M. says – I totally agree with the olive oil and bread snack. I have that for breakfast a lot. Its a nice change.
I dunno ’bout havin’ it for breakfast…. yeah, I suppose. (with coffee???)

Rachel M. says - always with coffee sometimes it replaces toast with butter quite nicely

Christmas time, 2007. My dear friend Jan Elliots house for a party. I believe it was the 22nd of December. My wife Debbie wasn’t really up for yet another party and wanted to stay home and wrap presents with our son Harrison. I get to Jan’s house just before sunset and find her home beautifully decorated. And goodies to eat pretty much covered the surface of every table in the place! Shrimp cocktail, cheese and crackers, vegetable platters here and there, cocktail wienies, cheese balls, candy, ham and turkey for sandwiches, it was all over the place.

There were about 15 people there by this time and most of them were out back on the patio that surrounded her pool. And the patio, also beautifully decorated. Keep in mind, this is Arizona and this time of the year and day it was about 50 degrees out. Very nice, and she had a fire pit going too.

So Jan greets me at the door, leads me into the kitchen where she mixes me a 7 & 7, and tells me to go out back and mingle with the crowd. I see her two daughters with their boyfriends sitting at a table with an open seat. The girls introduce me to their boyfriends and after shaking hands, I pull up a chair and notice all the snacks sitting on the table. By this time the sun had gone down and it was pretty dark. The table was lit with only a couple of candles and I notice a bowl of what appeared to be Chips of some sort. I grab a small hand full, “So, merry Christmas to you all, how is everybody tonight?” and pop the hand full into my mouth, sit down and begin chewing. Nobody said anything, they just stared at me as I chewed. I think to myself “Ewe, this stuff is not too good – must be some of that health food crap Jan’s always trying to get me to try…” continue chewing. The look on their faces told me something was up.

“Oh my God,” I’m thinking “this stuff is horrible!” and that’s when the bitter burning sensation started. My chewing and saliva had formed the mass into a nice crunchy paste. The look of horror and “I’ve been poisoned!” came to my face and one of the guys pipes up with,

“Dude, I think that’s potpourri you’re eating!”

I leap to my feet and step into the grassy area behind me and begin spitting the retched stuff out. Grab my cocktail and begin rinsing my mouth and spitting it out. The vile taste was only exceeded by the burning, bitter sensation. Hysterical laughter erupts from our table. Erica pipes up with “That’s been sitting on this table for two summers!”

By this time I’m gargling with my drink. My mouth is on fire! Visions of all the birds that have sat on the edge of that bowl, crapping and peeing in it, filled my head. More rinsing, gargling, spitting and retching.

“Could I get a shot of tequila here please?!? I ask, my cocktail now empty.

Needless to say, my host Jan was mortified. In hindsight, looking at the table with all the goodies sitting on it and that one lone bowl of potpourri, she knew it would have happened to anybody who chose to sit there. Unfortunately, I was that person. Jan apologized for it the rest of the night (each time her smile got bigger when she did so) Made for a great Christmas party story though!

I’ve done a similar thing with potpourri my wife had simmering on the stove one night. It smelled wonderful and I thought it was some sort of cider she had going. I took a tablespoon and dipped out some of the hot liquid and did that slurpy sippy kinda tasting. . . shot to the sink and spat, took the rinsing hose and blasted my mouth out.

Potpourri: Take a mental note here – NOT for eating.

Your Comments

Robin M. says – aww harrry, birds DONT PEE!!! this story is hilarious!

Snickerdoodles

by Joe Conlon

Harriet Dower Conlon, Peggy Dower McNeley, and “Betty Crocker”. . .

This is the first thing I remember “helping with” in the kitchen. Both my mom and my Aunt Peggy made these cookies and we loved them. My first“job” was to roll the dough into little balls and then roll them in the cinnamon. I could make them myself by age 7. I remember being amazed at how the little balls of dough would flatten out in the oven and they’d get this crinkly surface. It seemed like magic to me. “Snickerdoodles” – I loved saying the word. Fun to say – fun to smell – fun to eat warm from the oven with a cold glass of milk. Baking these fill the kitchen with the most wonderful aroma imaginable. I can’t make these cookies without that aroma bringing back my childhood memories. We made them when my kids Joy and Jason were little too. It’s a great recipe to start teaching kids to cook. The recipe came from my mom’s very old (1950’s era) Betty Crocker loose leaf cookbook. It’s the exact recipe we used. I remember mom used to get a chapter of that book each month in the mail – kind of like book of the month club and the whole family would get excited and we’d watch her put the chapter in the binder and we’d look at the pictures and know she’d be trying new recipes on us. I also remember wondering why they just didn’t send the whole book at once. We kids didn’t like just getting “The Side dishes” or “Beverages” chapter – we wanted the good stuff – like these “Cookies”. This last summer I had a houseful of great nieces and nephews for about a week. I put them all to work in the kitchen and we made pizzas, snickerdoodles, and chocolate chip cookies. Even the littlest had their “jobs”. I told them the story above that goes with the cookies. Man! Did the house smell great that day, and a new generation now connects with their heritage.

Joe 12/7/2009

Mix together thoroughly …

1 cup soft shortening (Crisco)

1 ½ cups sugar

2 eggs

Sift together and stir in …

2 3/4 cups sifted GOLD MEDAL Flour

2 tsp. Cream of tartar

1 tsp. Baking soda

1/2 tsp. Salt

Chill dough. Roll into balls the size of small walnuts. Roll in mixture of 2 tbsp. Sugar and 2 tsp. Cinnamon. Place about 2″ apart on ungreased baking sheet. Bake until lightly browned … but still soft. (These cookies puff up at first … then flatten out with crinkled tops.)

Temperature: 400 (mod. Hot oven).

Time: Bake 8 to 10 minutes

Amount: About 5 doz. 2″ cookies.

Come on, I dare ya!  I have the most extensive recipe collection on the internet – come on, try and stump me. “I have extensive files.” as the Terminator once said. Whadaya wanna recipe on? “Yeah, I got that…”

Harry, your blog site is just too funny honey! Your stories are simply precious! Love your writing style. I’ve told several of my friends about it, hope they visit you and post some comments. One of the ladies on my staff says that you’d like to do an interview on something called Skype. I don’t really know what that is, but I think the idea sounds fun,(I usually get paid for stuff like that honey. My manager would have a fit!). Maybe you could just send me some questions and I’ll answer them when I get a chance. But you have to promise me you won’t tease me like you do your poor fruitcake brother! Y’all need to stop picking on him like that. I think what he’s doing with your aunts recipe is wonderful (although a little bit gross!) I wouldn’t try that fruitcake for all the tea in China! Is he really gonna eat it live on the youtube thing? I don’t know if I have the stomach to watch something like that!

Loved your story on Culinary Racism. I might be guilty of that myself, but when I do it, it’s all in fun, tongue in cheek sort of thing. Of course you’re right on anybody cookin’ anything no matter who or where they come from! Keep up the good work Sugar!

Your Friend Paula D.

Paula!!! Great to have you back again! Couldn’t help but notice that your post was in the “Who’s your favorite food network star”, come on now…you were lookin’ weren’t you? – where you placed, huh? Come on now. . . (hey, I voted for ya!) Skype is simply an Instant Messaging program that you can have a live feed video of all the people signed on to participate in the interview I wanted to do. I understand all the legalities you have to put up with to do something like that. Your staff member Erica sent me a nice email explaining it to me, and we’ll take whatever we can get. I’ll ask the readers for their input on what questions to ask you and get them to you asap. Thank you SO MUCH for your participation here at Rattle Them Pots And Pans! – Your cyber cooking buddy’s, Harry & friends.

Paula: Don’t answer any of these until we get to 10 (GOOD QUESTIONS. . . <JOHN!!!>), OK?

Questions for Paula (as of 12/08/09)

1. Your Host asks: Is it true that you once said that you approve cussing in the kitchen, that it helps relieve tension?

2. Dee L. asks: How’s the head after getting hit with that ham? Hope you’re OK, it looked like it hurt a lot!

3. Joe C. asks: Paula, do you want my aunts Fruitcake Recipe?

4. Wilma W. asks: Paula, do you have any inside info you could share with us for any Paula Deen shows, programs, books or stuff like that? My husband and I just love you to pieces!

5. Daniel K. asks: Are you married? If not, will you marry me?

6. Julia W. asks: Did you go to any culinary school, or are you a graduate of “old school”?

7. Wilma W. asks: Are there any Hollywood movie offers for you? I think you’d be great in the movies!

Come on now folks, serious questions only. I’ve had a lot of stupid & goofy questions (you know who you are!) posed that I’ve had to ignore, knock it off and gimme some good questions!

Your Comments:

Joe C. says - I vote for Paula and I make her stuff all the time. But I also love Alton and have probably learned more about food and cooking from him than any other. I’ve never gone wrong with either of these two fine cook’s recipes or ideas. Hey, Paula. You want my Aunt’s fruitcake recipe? Don’t believe Harry — It’s great. (I’m talking about a fresh one, now — not the antique one) and yes we are going to videotape it this time and Harry says he plans to post it. Beat that Andrew Zimmerman.

Dee L. says – My question for Paula is did she get hurt badly by the ham hitting her in the face? It looked painful. Hope she’s ok, I voted for her too!

My Big Plans For Thanksgiving Leftovers tonight when I get home from work…

Had a huge feast for friends and family at last weeks Thanksgiving feast. Needless to say, there’s leftovers.  Alas, we are now officially sick of Thanksgiving Leftovers. Time to either toss it all or freeze it. This year though, I got another idea in mind…

This year, I’m breaking out the meat grinder.

Last fathers day, I was completely surprised by my gift. A brand new Cabala’s electric meat grinder. I’d been goin’ on and on about my dad and his grinder and my son took note. When he and his mom put their heads together for a gift idea, Harrison brought the meat grinder up. Mom loved the idea and eventually found an affordable one at the best sporting goods supplier on earth – Cabala’s. Hundred bucks. Lots of attachments, serious torque power (insert Tim the Tool Guy’s cave man grunt here).

Gonna break out my trusty meat grinder, attach the medium grind plate and make us some Thanksgiving Brats. That’s right: Gonna take all my left over meat and run it through the grinder into a big bowl.  Mix it with that big bowl stuffing, rest of the gravy, rest of the  cranberry sauce, and the rest of whatever else needs to go. Mix it all up real good and run it through the grinder once again, only this time with just the sausage casing stuffer attachment. Fill the casings the same size as a bratwurst. Dry em’ out real nice, THEN freeze em’. . . well not all of em’.

I gotta believe that once these things are tossed on the grill and they get all nice and golden grilled. . . Man, they just GOTTA be good. We shall see. I’ll take pics and post the whole event.

Your thoughts and or suggestions are greatly appreciated.

OK, I procrastinated too long on doing this. Once I got the stuff out to start, things had that “better not use me” oder to them – especially the turkey. So it all got tossed and the dish remains only in theory. May just have to just cook another turkey breast, small batch of dressing, cranberry sauce. . .oh what the hell?! I’ll wait till next year!

Culinary Racism is COMPLETELY WRONG!

What in the world is “Culinary Racism”?!?! Well, I’m gonna tell ya what it is, and it happens each and every day all over this world. . . And it needs to STOP!

Culinary Racism says that since I have no “Italian Blood” in me, I couldn’t possibly make a truly authentic Bolognaise sauce and pasta. Culinary Racism says because my ancestors don’t come from Poland, I couldn’t possibly whip up a killer batch of Pierogies. Culinary Racism says, that somehow, our DNA has an ethnic cooking code of some sort and you should not attempt cooking outside your ethnicity because you will fail.

I hear it all the time on the food network. Last night Bobby Flay was Throwing Down with some Guido in Las Vegas on a 7 fish Christmas dinner. Some Italian tradition wrapped around 7 different fish dishes. And the guy he was going up against was certain he would win because Bobby was Irish. All of Bobby’s skill, training, and experience would NOT come into play because he didn’t have Italian roots! HELLO? Bobby Flays NOT Irish, and neither are you! You’re BOTH Americans! What the hell is wrong with being simply American!? What’s with all this hyphenated American B.S.

One of our guest at Thanksgiving dinner brought up how awesome her Sauerbratten and Bratwurst was because she is “German”.

I asked her “Really, what part of Germany did you grow up in?”

“Oh, I didn’t grow up there. . .” she says.

“Well what part do you like to visit when you’re there?” I pressed.

“Well, I’ve never been there, but. . .” she said with eye brows getting mean.

“But you’re claiming you’re ’German’, how do you figure you’re German? Sprechen Sie Deutsch? (do you speak German)” I pushed. (Yeah, I was picking a fight.) And a nasty look from my sister told me to “knock it off!”, so I stopped.

Culinary Racism is alive and well here in the United States, it’s regional. I couldn’t possibly do justice to BBQ because I don’t have a hillbilly accent. My New England Clam Chowder wouldn’t stand up to the scrutiny of New Englanders because I call it “Chowder” instead of “Chowda”. And my Chili just wouldn’t cut the mustard because I grew up in Indiana.

It’s complete HOG WASH I tell ya. Cooking a great AUTHENTIC ethnic meal has nothing what so ever to do with your blood line. It has to do with your culinary skills and how well you can follow directions, aka “a recipe”. Next time somebody tosses this myth in your face, recognize it for exactly that (a myth), and call them a Culinary Racist. Be proud of your American roots people, and STOP with all this hyphenation crap! You’re an American, and you can cook ANYTHING you set your mind to – and it will be AWESOME!

You’re cruisin’ the channels, you see a NEW episode of this particular Chef/Host. You’ve found what you’re going to watch for the next 30 – 60 minutes. Who is it you will ALWAYS stop & watch?

“…and-the-Survey-SAYS: ”     (it DOES NOT have to be one of the above pictured chefs)

Alton Brown – (15) this number is how many votes tallied for this particular chef.

Paula Deen (13)

Bobby Flay – (13)

Rick Bayless – (3)

Wolfgang Puck – (3)

Tyler Florence – (8)

Guy Fieri – (11)

Julia Childs – (3)

Rachael Ray – (4)

Anthony Bourdaine – (8)

Emril LaGasse – (4)

Chef Ramisis – (1)

Some of your comments:

Marieanne B. says – Right I’m into Alton Brown. Yeah, yeah, I know his show is dorky, but he gives a lot of good information on the history and chemistry of food. I’ve learned more from him than any of the others which have taken their turns at being my favorites. Alton’s show is dorky?!?! “I know you are, but what is he?!” He is a FUNNY funny guy!

Steve W. says – Giada, OMG! she is SO HOT! She could cook for me ANY TIME! Easy there Steve, it’s a cooking site remember?

Sarah J. says – Bobby Flay is excellent! I love “Throw Down” it’s awesome, he’s so humble about loosing and that’s really hard for a guy to do/be. And Bobby does loose more than he wins (it seems). I agree completely! He’s probably my second favorite for the same reason. I was thinking of doing a Throw Down Article.

Wilma W. says – Paula Deen hands down! She is such a sweet, warm and personable person. I’ve never seen an episode of anything she’s in that I didn’t just love! I’d love to see her in a movie of some kind. Don’t you think they could make a really good comedy movie with Paula Deen playing somebodies mother or grandmother? Yes, I think that she’d make a great character actor of some sort, definitely a comedy.

Kristen B. says – Soooooo where is Chef Ramsey???? He’s my favorite!
WHAT? The ancient egyptian pharaoh was a CHEF?!?! I always thought he was  in a museum in Cairo.

2. Butter. Paula Deen – One of my favorite chef’s to watch. She demanded, I bowed to her awesomeness. THX Paula, you ROCK!

3. Flour. Debbie C. –  Every single culture on this wonderful planet, grind some sort of grain for use in making some sort of bread.

4. Bread – Lynee Olver (“IS the most important food invention. I want the #1 slot! Historical significants alone should put it there.”) <Lynee is the owner of Food Time Line dot ORG – the most interesting culinary website in existence! See link on the right side of this page.>

5. Sandwich – W.Nan

6. Cheese – W.Nan

7. Beer – L. Olver

8. Lobster / Crab with Butter – Joe C. / P. Deen

9. Bacon – H.C.

10. Chocolate – H.C.

11. Shrimp Cocktail – W.Nan

12. Peanut Butter – H.C.

13. Coffee – H.C.

14. Cookies – W.Nan

15. Pizza – Jason C.

16. Ice Cream -Debbie C.

17. Barbeque. – D. Lowe

18. Pie – Andre’ L.

19. Jelly – D. Lowe

20. Chili – W.Nan

21. Fried Chicken. – D. Lowe

22. Tomato Sauce – H. C.

23. Cold Cereal – W.Nan

24. Jell-o – W.Nan

25. Steak Eggs (don’t even THINK about posting that TOP SECRET recipe!)- W.Nan (You’re NOT the Boss of me anymore! I’m POSTING it. Otherwise, it shouldn’t be on the list – too much personal bias.)

26. Hot Sauce – Tasha H. (Her original posting was for “Crystal’s Louisiana Style Hot Sauce”, but like cookies and such, too many variations)

27. BEEF JERKY – found next to the bacon in the MAN aisle – Jason C.

28. Salsa –  Jason C.

29. Lasagna – Marianne B.

30. Ketchup – W.Nan

31.  French Fries – W.Nan

32. Potato Chips – D. Lowe

33. Soda – D. Lowe (with a shout-out to Pepsi!)

34. Salted Peanuts – Buzz A.

35. Popcorn & Caramel Corn – W.Nan

36. S’mores – Jason C.

37. Pork Rinds – Buzz A.

38. Soups and Stews – W.Nan

39. French Onion Soup (Say what you want about the French, they sure know how to cook!) – H.C.

40. Taco’s – Debbie C.

41. Guacamole – W.Nan

42. Chicago Style Hot Dog & Hot Dogs in general – D. Lowe

43. Bananna Split – Harrison C.

44. Donuts – Jason C.

45. French toast – W.Nan

46. Pancakes – Harrison C.

47. Chorizo – JasonC.

48. Strawberry Shortcake – Harrison C

49. Omelet – Joe W.

50. Saganaki – W.Nan (Greek dish, served flaming <yeah, on fire> as an appetizer. Scooped up with crusty bread. The flames are extinguished by squeezing a half lemon over the top.)

Here’s are some of your comments

Paula Deen says: Hi Harry! Thanks for the invite to your site. It’s very good and you’re a very talented writer. You’re off to a great start Sugar! (I’d rethink the layout some. I hope I’m posting this right!) Your headline design is wonderful and that baby is just too adorable! Is that your daughter?

Honey I beg to differ with you on that number one slot! I think you know what I’m talking about – BUTTER. Come on now, hand over that number one spot Honey. I’ll let you have the number two spot but Sugar, number ONE IS mine! Let’s let your readers decide, how’s that? You’re off to a great start Harry! Keep up the good work! Best of Luck! Paula Deen

HOLY COW!!! Paula Deen ?!?! I can’t tell you how delighted I am that you took me up on my invitation! Welcome to our little blog lady! I humbly bow to you demands of the #1 slot. Butter is a delight, we’d be lost without it. I could live without bacon, but butter? I don’t think so. Paula: YOUR submission is number one as of this posting. It will stay there until somebody can tell me why it shouldn’t. (How bout’ that folks? Lets hear it for Paula Deen! – BOOM baby!)

Marianne B. says – Paula, butter has to be the #1 spot! We’ll give Harry’s bacon #2 spot.

I baked a pan of your pumpkin bars the other day and everyone loved them.

I tried to get into your restaurant, Lady and Sons, a few years ago while camping at Tybee Island, but I didn’t get there in time.  But I did eat at your brother’s restaurant. I loved Savannah and hope to visit again soon.

Buzz A. says - Oh, speaking of butter, I’m reminded of something a country colleague once told me regarding corn-on-the-cob: If the butter’s not dripping off your elbows you’re not eating it right.
The PERFECT way to butter your corn on the cob: Room temp butter. Slice of bread. Liberally spread the butter on the bread. Corn in one hand, buttered bread in the other. Form the bread into a “U” shape, lay in the corn and begin turning. . . perfect.

Buzz A. says - Baloney, Harry!! You CAN’T live without bacon!
Of course you’re right Buzz, but there has to be some sort of critteria to judge the order of this list. Mine is starting with #1, Butter. Next two in line are judged “I am stranded on an island and can take only two food products. One is butter, what’s the second? Bread or Cheese?” Bread won. And so on and so forth we’ll work down the list. . . I can’t believe Bacon has dropped so low on the list!

WarsawNan says (in a very intimidating tone) - Then please remove Steak Eggs from the list. New criteria of known worldwide doesn’t fit it anyway, and You are truly TBYIES if you share that recipe with the entire world, and I will kill you in the face. (You’re The Biggest Yuck I‘ve Ever Seen – the faster you can say it, the cooler you are. Family heirloomcatch-phrase ) “Take ‘Steak Egg’s’ off the top 50 greatest recipes in the history of mankind?!?! Not gon doer - wunt be prudent – ” former U.S. President George H. Bush.

NO. You’re NOT the BOSS OF ME. What is it about people and their recipes and wanting to keep them “Top Secret”. And how’s the world ever going to know how wonderful they are if we don’t SHARE the recipe?! This site is dedicated to Sharing The Love and Stories of Cooking. THAT is the criteria I am using to KEEP it on the list. Depriving the world of Steak Eggs?! Au Contraire, Mon Frère – share the love! * The recipe for “Steak Eggs” WILL be posted people. Pay no attention to the lady behind the curtain!

WarsawNan says (very snarky like too) - Even ketchup, which I’ve personally hated forever, deserves a MUCH higher placement than s’mores!!! Your own wife would put it on sweet &amp; sour pork!! The whole judging panel there is drunk, right??? NO!. . . Harrison’s not even ode enuf to dink. I’m not playing this game anymore OH YES YOU ARE….. you’re a bunch of KOOKS!! s’mores!!! Dad is spinnin’ in his grave! I’m DEFINITELY killing Jason in the face next time I see him! “RUN Jason <Forest>, RUN!”  -  ”And I wuz RU-U-NING – and sumthin jumped up and BIT me!”

WarsawNan says (God, she’s opinionated isn’t she?!): I’m not believing that you’re actually allowing S’mores to remain on this list AT ALL, but THEN to see it’s position on the list in relationship to french fries is darn near making my brain bleed! Come on!! Answer me this, mister man: how many people to you suppose order a restaurant hamburger WITHOUT a side of fries? 42,383 daily total from yesterday, nation wide. (It’s TRUE, my brother looked it up on the internet – and HE’s an attorney!) I’m guessing damn few. You guessed wrong! And how many people will enjoy a campfire WITHOUT feeling the need to break out the fixin’s for s’mores? A whole heck of a lot. I rest my case. I respectfully (“respectfully” – HA!, “you fonny!’) request that you put this issue before the judging panel in your home….. french fries deserve a spot WAY higher on your list! Yeah, yeah. Blah blah blah…we’ll look in to it.

And what’s your reasoning behind “gotta make general/all-inclusive” on sandwiches and cookies, yet right below Soups & Stews you list French Onion Soup? I can’t figure that one out. It’s because you have no reasoning skills to speak of. Let me TRY to explain it to you (again). We can argue about “the best sandwich ever” until the cows come home (“who’s missing a cow!”), and we’d be at the same place when the arguing stopped. The sandwich itself, not much arguing required for placing it on THIS list. Same thing goes for cookies. And why is French Onion Soup on the list and not being excluded based on this criteria? Because I said so, THAT’S WHY.

Bob R. says – Corn is the most prevalent food product. High fructose corn syrup and/or corn starch is in just about everything we eat and drink. EEEEEUUUUUUUUAAHHH! Bob, lay off the booze for a day or two and read the posting for God’s Greatest Hits top 10 Food Creations. I will give CORN a claim to post by you.

Alba says – Hi – I found your site by mistake. I was searching in Google for Georgia vacations for my trip when I came upon your site, I must say your page is really cool I just love the theme, its amazing!. I don’t have the time at the moment to fully read your entire site but I bookmarked it and also will sign up for your RSS feeds. I will be back around in a day or two. Thanks again for a great site.
Thanks so much Alba for your kind words! Come back sometime and share some of your cooking adventures with us.

Solid Gold Leftovers! The day after Thanksgiving. At my house we call it “Fat Friday”. (OK, Saturday and Sunday too!)

What’s your favorite left over from TGiving? Do you have any favorite recipes for left overs?

Mine: Stuffing and Gravy. (I’m eating some as I write this in fact).

Stuffing: I don’t even want to hear about any of you out there that make Stove Top Stuffing for your Thanksgiving dinner. Any other time of the year, fine. We eat it regularly. But on Thanksgiving?!?! Oh Pa-Leasssse. Stuffing is really easy to make, it’s versatility is only limited to your imagination. Start with lots of bread. What kind? Any kind, you pick. Broth. I use chicken. This year Debbie found ‘mushroom broth’ and used it too! (awesome stuff!). Seasonings. Start with Sage and work your way down. Extras: Mushrooms, Walnuts, Onion, Celery, BACON, Rice, Wild Rice, whatever. You pick. Last thing in, couple beaten eggs to hold it all together. Stir it all up to a nice goo, stuff it in your bird, roast away.  Too much stuffing? Put it in a casserole dish and bake it too. This year, Debbie put it in muffin tins and baked em’ Awesome idea!

The stuffing from the bird is always best though. It sucks up all those nice juices… When you think the bird is done, take a temp reading from center mass of the stuffing. Done is 180 degrees.

“Little late NOW wouldn’t you say Harry? Tellin’ people how to make stuffing….” Deb asks.

No, it’s not. It’s never too late to learn to make stuffing! Get a whole chicken and stuff that and bake it next time you feel like chicken.

(Atheists, leave now – none of your comments will be posted if you identify yourself as an atheist.)

This list is for Him. Thanksgiving? Yeah. God, thanks for giving us:

1. Milk – The very FIRST food product you humans (and all mammals) are exposed to, thankyouverymuch. – God

(we bow our heads in awe and Thanksgiving)

2. Meat – Harry C.

3. Salt – SaltyS

4. Wheat – Debbie C.

5. Garlic – Debbie C.

6. Tomato’s – Joe W.

7. Corn – Bob R.

8. Eggs – Andre’ L.

9. Cane Sugar – Harrison C.

10. Watermellons – Dee L.

I now open this list up for debate. Whadayagot?

YTBYIES - Abbreviation for: You’re The Biggest Yuck I’ve Ever Seen. And the faster you can say it, the cooler you are. One will start it, the other replys “NO, YOU’RE the biggest yuck I’VE ever seen! And it goes back and forth, each time getting faster until you’re giving a quick move of your lips (indicating you speaking SO FAST, it can’t even be heard!), a tilt of your head and raising of ones eyebrows. Stupid, huh? I know.

My very favorite comfort food – Persimmon Pudding

Have you ever eaten something that was SO good, it made you cry? Or maybe tear up a bit? Well I have and I’m not ashamed to admit it! It’s a story (and recipe) about two women who love me dearly. My grandma and my wife. My grandma and wife never met each other. Grandma was the quintessential ‘grandma’. Tiny, sweet, adored her grandkids, loved cooking for them, drank whiskey on the sly. . . (LOL!). Anyway, this woman could C O O K !

One of the favorite dishes she did was Persimmon Pudding. And it wasn’t really a pudding either. It’s a super moist bunt style cake. (Bunt meaning it’s cooked in a pan that is ring shaped – finished product has a big hole in it). When it’s finished, it’s going to look like it’s chocolate – nothing like chocolate, but looks like it. The flavor is SO unique. Really hard to describe actually. Think of carrot cake, less sweet, more rich. Dense. Moist. Served warm with a dollop of cream sauce. (NOT whipped cream, but cream sauce) Persimmon’s only come into season in fall (I think) and that’s why this desert is only done at Thanksgiving and Christmas time. At least that’s the only time grandma cooked it.

Small Sidebar: Never once did I feel the need to make a Persimmon Pudding and then mummify it so my grandchildren might enjoy it. Never. (go read “Fruitcakes I Have Know – One In Particular”)

Grandma died when I was 12. I had not had Persimmon Pudding again until I was 48, 36 years later! My wife had heard me tell the story of grandma and her pudding many times. One winter day she was perusing a cookbook and found a recipe. She decided to give it a try and surprise me with it. Man, what a surprise it was! I’d come home from being gone all day, the house smelling very wonderful. It was a few days before Thanksgiving.

“What in the world is that amazing aroma!?” I asked.

“It’s a surprise. Sit. Close your eyes!” Debbie told me.

I did as I was told, felt her come up behind me and heard her place the plate in front of me. As she did so, she kissed my cheek and whispered “Enjoy!”

With a smile on my face I opened my eyes and looked down. Then a shocked expression came to my face.

“What the. . .? Is this what I think it is?….where. . .?. . .how . . .?. . .” I stammered.

“Shut up and taste it!” she commanded. She sat across the table from me with excitement on her face. The smell was coming back to me. . . It smelled like grandma’s house at Thanksgiving. I took a bite and closed my eyes. It was a perfect match! Images of grandma in the kitchen filled my head. Fresh pine tree surrounded by my siblings happily decorating. The smell of that tree mixed with the aroma of that pudding were brought from the dark recesses of my memory. My own house now filled with the same fabulous scents. And the flavor that filled my mouth – like I said, it was a perfect match. I took a second bite and began to chew. My chin began to quiver and I could feel tears forming in my eyes. I looked over to my wife. She had a somewhat confused look on her face. With raised eyebrows and a slight shrug of her shoulders I knew she wanted a verdict. All I could manage was a whimpering “Grandma….”

Have you ever tried to eat while crying?! It’s HARD. But I managed. By the time I had finished I had regained my manly composure and I had questions. First and foremost “How much of this did you make?” and “Can I have seconds?” and “Do you have a good hiding place picked out?” (from our 9 year old son who would devour it like it was a fricken twinky or something!).

So, that’s my story of eating something so good it made me cry. And here is the recipe “to cry for “ :

Grandma Conlon’s Persimmon Pudding

1 cup ripe persimmon puree, strained

1 cup fine table sugar

2 tbsp butter (room temp.)

1 egg, well beaten

½ tsp salt

½ tsp cinnamon

1 cup sifted flour

2 tsp baking soda

Cream Sauce

½ cup milk

1 egg yoke

1 tsp vanilla

½ cup sugar

¼ pint whipping cream, chilled

1 egg white, well beaten

Pudding Preparation

Stir all ingredients together. Put into a greased metal bunt tin and place into your double boiler. Steam for 2 hours (or longer). DO NOT lift lid for the entire 2 hours!

Cream Sauce Preparation

Beat egg yoke and vanilla. In a separate bowl beat egg white until stiff. FOLD egg yoke into beaten egg white. In a separate bowl beat cream until it peaks, then carefully add sugar gradually. Gently FOLD cream into egg mixture. Serve pudding warm and the sauce COLD.

I have lots of comfort foods, and this is without a doubt number 1 on my list. I get it only once a year, and that is fine by me – as long as I get it.

I pose two questions: What is YOUR favorite comfort food?

Have you ever eaten something so good in made you cry? (Choking on something doesn’t count! I’m talking emotional-like crying.)

Grandma, I love and miss you. Debbie, you’re the best wife a man could ever have – I love you dearly!

It’s a better story when these two are told together, here’s part 2

My Mother-In-Laws Persimmon Pudding

I will begin this posting with this statement: I adore my mother-in-law. Definitely NOT the stereotypical M.I.L. And I know she loves me too, here’s why.

I told mom-in-law the story of grandma’s persimmon pudding. She was touched and she decided she’d have a go at making me some. (This happened before my wife’s perfection of the recipe). When somebody takes the time to gather all the ingredients for something they’ve never tried before, goes to the trouble of finding an obscure recipe, and goes to all the trouble of preparing something just for you?, well my friends, that is one of the many definitions of love.

Here’s the thing – my mom-in-law can cook. I mean off the hook cookin’! I can’t remember anything she put in front of me not being delicious. . . There was this one thing: Persimmon Pudding. Yeah, I cried. Tears of agony.

All smiles on her face, she tells me “Harry, I got a surprise for you boy!” (all the men in her life except her husband is referred to as “boy”. Her son, all 4 of her grandsons, and me.)  She puts this bowl of Persimmon Pudding before me. I smile all wide like, delighted that she’s made something ‘just for me’ and look at what she’s put before me. I was baffled, yet still smiling. It looked like a bowl of light salmon colored pate’ of some sort.

“What is it?” I ask.

“It’s that persimmon pudding you were telling me about. I found a recipe!”

Didn’t look anything like my grandma’s. I smelled none of that amazing aroma associated with grandma’s. Hey, maybe I’m remembering it all wrong. What the heck, I’ll have a go at it. And I heartily took a bite. It’s bitter taste transferred instantly to my face. I could NOT help it. It was horrible and disgusting all in one package.

She could tell by the puckering of my face it was bad. She said “Oh, I was afraid of that. I tasted it and thought it was pretty bad too. But comfort food is comfort food! Just because I didn’t like it doesn’t mean you won’t.”

“Mom, the simple act of you just trying means the world too me!” I told her after rinsing my mouth with my cocktail. After a kiss and a hug she put the remainder of her pudding down the disposal, only two bites being sampled.

Love and food go hand in hand.

Your Comments

Dee L. says – Your story of Deb making you persimmon pudding made me cry! I was so touched by her generosity in giving me one of Aunt Peg’s pudding molds. I will be using it to make my kids and grandkids ther first taste of Grandma’s Persimmon Pudding.

Making you cry with one of my stories is equivalent to me winning an Oscar, thank you. Hopefully the next one about my mother in laws Persimmon Pudding made you laugh and shoot liquid out of your nose, (double Oscar). Let us know how the pudding turned out and how the kids liked it. (Dee’s one of my sisters. She and her husband were here in Phoenix visiting for Thanksgiving. Debbie had TWO persimmon pudding molds (antiques) that were our Aunt Peggy’s. And I don’t ever remember Aunt Peggy ever using them for anything.

Wilma W. says - That is such a marvelous story Harry! You made me cry AND laugh all in one very short story. It was so vividly expressed, it felt like I was right there in your grandma’s kitchen. I have just got to have a go at this pudding of yours! Thank you!

NO, Thank YOU! Your kind words mean the world to me! (boom! another Oscar!) Can’t wait to hear how your puddin’ turns out!

Kristen B. says – I’ve read your persimmon pudding stories and LOVE them! I first heard of persimmon’s in college back in South Dakota, (I’m a horticulture degree) I had never gotten a chance to grow them since our winter’s are too harsh. Perismmon’s should be grown in zones 6-9 depending on the variety. I had moved to North Carolina straight after college and heard everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) talk about persimmon’s. You could see their mouths water as they told you their own personal stories of “Grandma cooking persimmon pudding”. Finally, after 4 years of living in NC, I moved to a small rural area which housed a hugh persimmon tree. My landlady gave me a simple recipe for persimmon pudding and said “I had to make it!” So late in the fall I harvested them. I followed the recipe, (which I’ll have to dig out for you) and made my own persimmon pudding. Holy Cow it was good. The smell, the richness, and moist,denseness was incredible. The whole house smelled like the Holiday’s. You won’t know this experience until you try persimmon pudding yourself. Thank you Harry for sharing your wonderful story with us. I truly enjoyed it! Thanks a lot! Means a lot to me.

This phrase will pop up from time to time here on Rattle Them Pots And Pans, so I guess I’ll need to explain. My nephew Jason C. was in 1st or 2nd grade. I had recently been discharged from the Navy and was visiting his family in Indiana. (Jason’s dad is my brother – the Fruitcake guy). I was helping out with chores and while mowing the grass, came across a sheet of paper I didn’t want to run over. I picked it up to throw it away and noticed it seemed to be a letter of some sort. I was indeed a letter and found out later that it was also an assignment. Jason was just learning how to write a letter. You know, proper formating and all. It seemed there was a neighborhood bully named Justin who had been picking on Jason’s sister Joy (the adorable muchkin in my header design!). The letter read as follows:

Dear Justin, If you don’t stop picking on my sister I will kill you in the face. Love, Jason.

Is that too funny or what?!?! Of course I share said letter with his parents, and well – here it is 30 some odd years later and the family (and a lot of friends too!) still uses it! (I like saying it with a Russian accent “I KILL YOU, in de face!”

Yet another family heirloom phrase!

The Very First photo taken of King Tut’s Tomb…

Fruitcakes I have known

It’s the week before my favorite time of year, Thanksgiving and Christmas. And with it brings all the jokes about Fruitcakes. Speaking of fruitcakes, my brother Joe….(insert drum ‘rim-shot’ here). . .OK, this posting is going to be hard for you to believe, but as God as my witness, every last word is true. I will begin with this TRUE statement: My oldest brother Joseph, has in his refrigerator, a fruitcake that is 32 years old. YES, the one pictured above. Once a year he breaks it out, slices off a piece, and EATS it. Yes, eats it. His claim is that the bourbon keeps it preserved perfectly. When he see’s that it’s dried out, he adds more bourbon and wraps it back up, places it back in it’s sarcophagus and puts it back in the fridge for next year.

Here’s the story. If you’ve read my “about me” page, you see that I said my aunt Peggy was for the most part a horrible cook. She of course did have dishes we kids loved, but for the most part, yeah – nasty. And on the top of the list of aunt Peggy’s nasty list was her fruitcake. Actually, calling this fruitcake of hers ‘nasty’ is an insult to nasty tasting food. To all the nasty tasting food out there, I apologize.

Each year she would make a couple dozen of these retched little horrors and ship them off to friends and family for Christmas. And I’m sure friends and family alike took said fruitcakes and used them as door stops or bug replant or catfish bait or simply tossed em’ in the trash. Her finishing touch was to add about 2 cups of bourbon to EACH loaf and wrap it in cheese cloth, then foil. Box it, ship it. I bet there’s some law about shipping such vile things in the mail.

My brothers fruitcake was from the last batch she ever made (we think). She passed away a couple years later. Joe has said he always liked her fruitcake. (The ONLY person I know who claims this). Him keeping this lone survivor is a way for him to remember her and have her as a visitor with him at Christmas time. All very understandable. I hear ya bro! I love and miss her too. . . But DAMN! Break out a photo or a video or something! Make some of her Pimento Cheese Spread or something!

Joe’s a high school English teacher. He told the story of his mummified fruitcake to his students one day and they didn’t believe him. He brought this fruitcake to school the next day for show and tell, and to the horror of his students, ate a piece. They stood there in disbelief and I believe a few of them even vomited. Word got out and the next thing you know the newspaper got wind of it and they did a spread on it. People all over the state of Indiana were nauseated. (I’m even getting a little woozy writing about it!)

When this thing was fresh it was nasty. In it’s current state, I don’t even want to imagine! Andrew Zimmern’s got nothing’ on my brother! And I’ve seen Zimmern eat some really nasty stuff! My sister Marty asked me “If a gun was pointed at your head and you had to choose between eating a bite of Joe’s fruitcake or a bite of fresh dog poop, which would you choose?”

“Can I get a bit of catsup with that poop?” I asked.

Bother: I love you and care about your health, as I know your wife and kids do too. I speak for the ENTIRE family here bro: Find a spot in your backyard, (where the grass already doesn’t grow) dig a hole, and bury that horrible thing! Say a little prayer over the top of it, tell aunt Peggy how much you love and miss her, say amen and genuflect and be done with it. If you DON’T, I don’t wanna hear about any lower intestinal problems you get hospitalized for. (I suspect you may have been adopted).

Notice it’s Mummy-Like features?

The Fruitcake Speaks, Ladies and Gentlemen, by big brother Joe. (comments in black)

Your Hosts comments in red.

O.K. folks. I’m the one they’re writing about, and as usual they exaggerate and they’ve got a few of their facts wrong. (maybe Sarah, but the rest of us: We’re fact storing genius’s!) I happen to like fruitcake – at least the ones made from our family’s heirloom recipe.(“Heirloom recipe” Hang on, lemme wipe the tears of laughter from my eyes!) When I was a very young boy, I always waited with anticipation for the Christmas package from Aunt Peg and Uncle Dick to arrive. They lived far away in Phoenix Arizona, and of all my Aunts and Uncles, their Christmas presents were always the best. Inside the package, besides the books and many other presents was always a homemade plum pudding and a fruitcake fragrant with the aroma of the Kentucky bourbon it had soaked in for weeks. I grew up loving the smell and taste of Aunt Peg’s fruitcakes. (it was the BUZZ from the bourbon Joe!) When I was about 12, she started teaching me how to make the recipe which had been handed down at least from my great-great grandmother in England. (because NOBODY in England wanted it!) insert drum rim-shot here. Every year about the first week in November we would make about two dozen cakes and soak them liberally in good Kentucky bourbon. (and he was able to sneak tastes of the bourbon when Aunt Peggy wasn’t looking.) We would have to re-soak them every week until we mailed them around the 1st of December. (Joe once told me that there were several years in his youth where Thanksgiving time was “kinda fuzzy” – Now I know why!) One year Aunt Peg retired and stopped making the fruitcakes (aka ‘came to her scenes’)and asked me to continue her tradition. I did it for a couple of years but then found out no one in the family (or the rest of the planet) liked the fruitcake except for me so I stopped sending them. I had one fruitcake held back for me to use to scientifically test Aunt Peg’s theory that her fruitcakes were “immortal” and kept getting better with age. (Yeah, right! His fruitcake is a “Highlander” – “There can be ONLY ONE!” – Somebody needs to take that things head!) This was not one that she had made, but one of mine from her recipe. For going on thirty-two years now, every year at Christmas time I re-soak what is left of the cake in some bourbon around the first of December and then wrap it tightly again. On Christmas day I eat one piece of it and then wrap it up again for next year. I’m the only retarded one in my family who will take a chance on it – but to me it seems Aunt Peg may be at least partially right (but mostly wrong!). It still is edible (NO IT’S NOT JOE! STOP EATING IT!) and it hasn’t yet spoiled. (Yes IT HAS!. . . a very long time ago!) Every year when I eat that cake it brings back to mind many good times and many good memories of loved ones long gone. (If you wanna call Cramping Constipation “Good times and good memories” that’s fine by me! I told y’all he was a Fruitcake!) Family Food traditions are like that you know. Now it is way too dry (because it’s been trying it’s hardest to turn to dust and YOU won’t let it!) and it isn’t as good as it used to be but it still hasn’t made me sick; it hasn’t grown hairy or moldy (there’s that woozy feeling again) (too much bourbon for any microbes to survive I suspect). In the interest of science, and out of my love of traditon, I shall continue the experiment. I figure I’ve got enough for another ten years maybe.

It was pretty funny when the school newspaper did the story about it last year. The young reporter had the guts to try a bite. She thought it was horrid and I have a great picture of the face she made when she tried it. (Who said “Accuracy in the media was dead?! Alive and well in the Warsaw Indiana school system it would seem!) I was able to gross out my students when I ate a piece and went “mmmmmm…. good”. I like grossing out teens. (Dude, it’s not just the teens you’re grossing out. . . .)
If you want, I’ll be glad to share my family’s 200 year old heirloom recipe (LMAO!) with you if there is any interest. All you’ll need to add is the love and large quantity’s of bourbon that goes into each batch.

JOSEPH – I will take NO PART in the perpetuating of this horror you call Fruitcake. If you post it, I will delete it, so don’t even try.

Folks, may I introduce our sister, WarsawNan…..

I can verify that the petrified fruitcake story is completely true. About 6 or 7 years ago, I lived with our brother Joe and his wife, Joyce, while my place was being built. I’d been there a couple of months when Joyce began cleaning out the fridge one evening. She was about done when I said “You better check that pink covered container in the bottom fridge drawer. I don’t know what’s in it, but it’s been there at least as long as I’ve lived here, so it probably needs to be thrown out.” “Oh no!!” she said, “Joe will have a FIT if I throw that out! It’s Aunt Peggy’s fruitcake.” I thought she had to be mistaken, since my aunt had been dead for at least 20 years; so Joyce pulled the container out and told me to have a look. I nearly puked! I wouldn’t recommend burying it because it could seriously contaminate the groundwater. Incineration would be the way to go… it ought’a catch fire quite easily considering all the bourbon in it.

<strong>Oh, yeah… good point about the ground water contamination! <em>(LMAO!)</em> I didn’t think about that. And burning: I don’t think that would be wise either. The soot and other like material would foul the air for miles. Certainly it would burst into flame should it get anywhere close to a heat source… this is quite the quandary, huh? Our up and coming blog site is definitely a green site… what to do, what to do? Hey readers – any idea’s for my brother on the proper way to dispose of this nightmare?</strong>

WarsawNan: Maybe he could send it to you and you could pass it out to the bums in downtown Phoenix. Now THAT’S a great idea!
I DO NOT want to spend the rest of my life in prison!

WarsawNan: Joe wrote: “It still is edible and it hasn’t yet spoiled. Every year when I eat that cake it brings back to mind many good times and many good memories …… too much bourbon for any microbes to survive”

Joe, you’re making people think you’re a blind alcoholic who, for some strange reason, has FOND memories of a childhood house fire that burned up our food along with your tastebuds. LOOK at the fruitcake, bro! Open your eyes, man! “Memories” AREN’T made of THAT!

Buzz Anderson: I like fruitcake, too! Aside from being nearly as handy as duct tape (no, really), I actually enjoy eating it. What, you don’t think fruitcake’s handy? I used fruitcakes instead of concrete to set the deck posts around our deck and porch. I use fruitcakes to hold the car up while I rotate the tires. I’ve even used a fruitcake to patch a leaky roof.

Impressive! I stand corrected: Fruitcake IS NOT worthless. Door-stops. Anchors. Wheel Chucks. . . the list could go on and on. Maybe we could do a list of things to use a Fruitcake for.

Steve Wendall: You guys are a riot! This is a funny funny story! For the record: I like Fruitcake too! (if it’s done right, but 32 years old?! I wouldn’t eat that on a drunken dare!)

Steve, my friend. . . you are in luck! This years consumption of a slice of mummified freak of nature by my brother Joe, will be covered LIVE, right here on RattleThemPotsAndPans.com. If you don’t catch the momentous occasion, look for the video posting. (have an air-sick like bag or bucket standing bye BEFORE you click “play”).

Article removed because it was a stupid self serving political OP/ED piece that had no business on a cooking / recipe / story site.

Hi Harry! Thanks for the invite to your site. It’s very good and you’re a very talented writer. You’re off to a great start Sugar! (I’d rethink the layout some. I hope I’m posting this right!) Your headline design is wonderful and that baby is just too adorable! Is that your daughter? Honey I beg to differ with you on that number one slot! I think you know what I’m talking about – BUTTER. Come on now, hand over that number one spot Honey. I’ll let you have the number two spot but Sugar, number ONE IS mine! Let’s let your readers decide, how’s that? You’re off to a great start Harry! Keep up the good work!

Best of Luck! Paula Deen

HOLY COW!!! Paula Deen ?!?! I can’t tell you how delighted I am that you took me up on my invitation! Welcome to our little blog lady! I humbly bow to you demands of the #1 slot. Butter is a delight, we’d be lost without it. I could live without bacon, but butter? I don’t think so. Paula: YOUR submission is number one as of this posting. It will stay there until somebody can tell me why it shouldn’t. (How bout’ that folks? Paula Deen! – BOOM baby!)

No pulling needed, it just falls apart!

Lazy Man/Woman Pulled Pork

4 lb Pork Butt or Pork Shoulder Roast boneless 
2 lg Spanish onions; (sweet)
1 bottle Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce
1 can Ginger Ale (or Coke) NOT DIET
32 Hamburger style buns or 10 kaiser rolls if feeding husbands
Serves 32 people or 10 husbands

Cut onions in half lengthwise slice in 1/4″ slices halve the onion slices and separate into rings.
Sprinkle pork with chef salt. Massage into the pork meat. Place half the onions in crockpot put in shoulder roast and top with remainder of onions. If you don’t have a crock that big use roasting pan in oven at 200 degrees.
Pour 1 can of soda (cola) over all cover and cook on LOW for 10 to 12 hours or overnight until pork can be easily shredded (pulled) with two forks. Remove pork from pot shred in a bowl removing all possible fat. Remove onions with slotted spoon and add to bowl. Discard juice in pot. Return onions and pulled pork to pot add BBQ sauce to all and mix. Continue to cook on LOW for 5 to 6 hours adding more BBQ sauce as needed. Serve as pulled pork sandwiches on buns.

Leftovers may be cooled made into sandwiches wrapped in heavy plastic wrap and frozen individually for later use. They keep well and may be unwrapped, re-wrapped in paper towels and heated in a microwave. You also can freeze without bun but we recommend freezing individual pulled pork sandwiches so you don’t have to thaw more than you need.

Listen, I have two smokers in my back yard. I use them often. Nothin’ I love better than nursing beer all day and tending to my smoker. Low and Slow. . . makes for some incredible meat. BUT, you can’t do that every day. You wanna eat good when you get home from work and when you come home, having your dinner ready to go is unbeatable. It doesn’t get much easier than this.

DO NOT put this Pulled Pork on cheap buns either. Culinary blasphemy! I use those big onion buns. And mix up your favorite BBQ sauce to put on top too. Or get some of your favorite store bought to have on hand. My favorite is Sweet Baby Rays.

3-4 lb pork roast , rub with salt, pepper and garlic powder. Line your crock pot with two LONG sheets of foil, shiny side UP. (when laid out on a table it would look like a big X), excess foil hanging over edge. Place the seasoned pork in the center and bring the foil up and over it, but don’t seal it yet, leave a tiny opening. Pour in 1/4 cup of liquid smoke (almost an entire bottle of liquid smoke), THEN seal it nice and tight, put the lid on and cook for 8 hours on high. It is AWESOME, I guarantee it.

In hindsight, I should have put “Crock Pot” on my MacGyver list….how can you live without one?!

If you’re anything like me, you love an ice cold Starbucks Frappuccino but HATE having to pay nearly 3 buck for a 10 ounce bottle of the stuff. Have I got a recipe for you!

This won’t work unless you make super strong coffee. And it works best when said coffee is made with a French Press. But let’s move on. Make a pot of coffee double the amount of coffee you usually use.

When the coffee is ready, the mix ratio is 1/3 coffee to 2/3 milk. Since you’re making a whole pot of double strength coffee, let’s go ahead and make a gallon. (pennies on the dollar here people!) 1 gallon of whole milk. We’re going to use it’s container as the mixing vessel. Pour 1/3 of the milk into another container and stick it into the fridge for use later with whatever. Or, simply wait until 1/3 of the milk has been used.

Before you put the double strength coffee into the milk, add 1/4 cup sugar to it and mix until dissolved. Depending how sweet you like it, this amount is obviously adjustable. But for the first batch, we’re gonna go with 1/4 cup. Now add the coffee to your milk. Last ingredient is not really necessary, 2 tablespoons pectin. It makes it a bit thicker and helps to suspend the sugar. Use it or don’t, won’t effect the flavor at all. (You’ll find it in the isle with the baking goods) Put the cap on and shake real good.  That’s all there is to it! A GALLON of Frappuccino for LESS than 3 bucks!

Secondary Recipe: 1/3 Kahlua to 2/3 Frappuccino, over ice. MY invention. I have not named it yet and will take all suggestions.

Toss out NO MORE left over coffee. Turn it into frappuccino. Just remember the mix ratio – 1/3 coffee, 2/3 mile, sugar to taste.

Big Fat Greek Wedding impersonation – “Frappuccino, it comes from de Greek you know? Frap, from de Greek ‘Frapicimo’ meaning coffee, and pucino, from de Greek ‘Pucinimos’ meaning extremely tasty. SO, there you go: Frappuccino!”  B.F.G.W. is one of my wife and I’s favorite movies. Probably my favorite impersonation to do. (spot on too I might add) It looses something though in the written version…  And FYI – There is NO Windex in this recipe!

Thanks for the praise on my soup, bro!  I’m like Deb… regardless of what claims a restaurant makes about their “awesome” French onion soup, I never order it because I KNOW it won’t be as good as my own.  No brag, just fact.

As you well know, great cooks seldom measure… our eyeballs and taste buds are our primary measuring tools.  So I don’t have a written-down recipe I can just copy/paste here.  But I’ll share my basic tips on making it.

I use a very large electric skillet to caramelize my onions because you want ALL your onion slices to make direct contact with the hot surface.  If you over-crowd your skillet, your onions won’t caramelize right.  Be patient with this process because it’ll take 30 to 40 minutes to get a good caramelization on the onions…. you can’t rush it.  I use one onion per how many servings I’m making.

I start my soup stock by heating up about 1/2 inch of canola oil in my big soup pot.  Get the oil real hot and toss in a package (or two) of soup bones.  Brown them up really well…. about 30 seconds before the “these are burned” stage.  Then pour in equal amounts of canned/boxed (I use the big boxes of liquid broth) beef AND chicken broth.  Mixing both chicken and beef broth is a valuable trick I learned from Harry, and it really makes a difference.  Add black pepper (not too much), a bay leaf or 2 or 3 (depending on how much soup you’re making), and red wine vinegar.  DO NOT EVER ADD SALT!  You don’t need it!  Trust me on this.  I’m a salt junkie–LOVE salt–but the onions and the red wine vinegar trick your tongue into thinking this soup is perfectly salted.

Remove the soup bones from the stock before you add the caramelized onions. Give the used bones to your favorite dog.

After the onions have browned beautifully, add a little of the soup broth to the skillet to deglaze, then dump it all into your soup pot.  Cover, turn heat to low, and let the flavors blend for about 30 minutes.

The day before making this soup I dry out slices of sourdough bread on my oven rack.  Set your oven to it’s lowest temp.  On my oven, the lowest temp is “Warm”, not a number.  You want the bread as dry as possible.

When you’re ready to serve the soup, ladle it into oven-safe bowls filling to about 1/2 inch from the top of the bowl.  Lightly butter one side of a slice of dried bread and place it on top of the bowl of soup, buttered side down.  The butter acts as a barrier to keep the bread from soaking up the soup and getting too soggy before you can finish and get it served.  Cover the top with your grated cheese mixture (I like mozzarella, asiago, romano and parmesan).

Place the bowls of cheese-topped soup under the broiler until melty and golden brown.

One of my very favorite cooking Guru’s: My big sister WarsawNan. Sis: Your onion heads up on the MacGyver Skills posting got me to thinking about your amazing recipe for French Onion Soup. Let’s have it kiddo!

WarsawNan actually did most of the cooking when we were growing up. She sent me a really nasty email about my ‘about me’ page saying that although our father did hold the title of head chef, SHE did most of the cooking and that I had a horrible memory. I stand corrected sis – you are right.

Her French Onion Soup recipe is so good it’ll make you wanna slap somebody. Usually that somebody is the waiter or chef in the restaurant that brings you their version of F.O.S. I, being a true gastricnaught, will order it from time to time and am always disappointed. I get sucked in to the fancy schmancy wording in the description in the menu and the beautiful picture. Ends up being SWILL. At least it is compared to my sisters F.O.S. (If they can’t do it better than I can, why bother going out for a meal?!) My wife Debbie on the other hand just won’t ever order it. EVER. She’s been spoiled and you will be too should WarsawNan be willing to share her secret….. (I have on my puppy dog eyes and a quivering lip) “Pleeeease?”

Biscuits and Gravy (sausage gravy)

Folks, right here’s a crowd pleaser. Who doesn’t like a big o’ plate of B n’ G’s. (Vegans DO NOT count – their not right in the head!) Most people who try to make home made gravy for the first time end up with a lumpy, nasty mess. Then never try again and stick to the powdered kind or the stuff from the jar. The first time my brother George tried (he was about 14) he came out of the kitchen and asked “How many handfuls of gravy would you like?” with a brown lump the consistency of mashed potato’s. And the biscuits: I gotta be honest here – I either use the canned ones or the recipe on the side of the box of Bisquick. Hey, Bisquick biscuits are excellent and easy! This posting is really more about the gravy, and how to make it perfect! And next time you go camping, take along what you’re going to need to make this and watch the eye’s light up when you announce breakfast is ready! Man oh man, B & G for breakfast out campin’, maybe some bacon and eggs to back it up. . . Nice pot of camp fire coffee simmering. Doesn’t get any better.

Start with cooking your sausage. I use Jimmy Dean’s ‘regular’ in the tube. But the cool reality of this recipe is that it works with any type of sausage. Or meat that has a little bit of fat content. (20 – 30%).

Fry up your sausage, keeping the fat in the pan (YEAH, do NOT drain the fat! Leave it, you need it!) Get out your sack of regular ol’ flour. No measuring is required here. Sprinkle the flour over the entire surface of the cooked sausage and grease. Nice even layer, not thick but a even ’dusting’. Powder it just enough to cover all the chunks of meat. Once you’ve done that stir the mixture around until you see no more powder or grease. Let it sit a minute or so. Your heat should be slightly higher than medium. Now stir it around and let it sit again. Do this maybe 2 or 3 times (stirring and letting it sit NOT adding the dusting of flour) until the flour coating on the meat chunks start to turn light brown.

Pour in aprox 3 cups of milk and begin stirring constantly. Nice and slow but never stop. In a minute or two it’s going to start getting nice and thick. When that happens, gradually add small amounts of milk and stir it in until it gets to the thickness you like. Have a taste. Add salt and pepper to taste. Let it simmer 5 to 10 minutes, adding tiny bits of milk if it gets too thick. Your gravy is ready to meet your biscuits.

Camping style biscuits: Make them in your Dutch oven. If you don’t have one, simply make them at home, wait until they reach room temperature and wrap them in foil. As you’re cooking the gravy, place the foil wrap biscuits next to the camp fire, and every so often rotate them. It’s a good job for a kid.

There you go – Biscuits and GRAVY. You’re gonna create a family comfort food that is requested time and time again.

Kitchen MacGyver Skills

These items and ingredients I believe are essential in all home kitchens. Like my daddy always use to say “Life is like a box of choc…” wait a second, that’s not the one I was meaning to reference…. He always said “If you don’t have what you need: improvise.” Some of these MacGyver items just can’t be improvised.

12” cast iron skillet. I dunno why, but some things just can not be cooked without one. Like cornbread! While your mixing your batter, pre-heat your oven with the empty skillet in it. Once your oven is heated, leave it in for a few extra minutes so it gets good n’ hot. Pull it out, quickly spray with Pam and pour in your batter. To be honest, I use a pre-mix cornbread mix. Maybe add a can of cream corn and a little less liquid to the mix. Maybe add a couple tablespoons of honey. Whatever… the thing is, it comes out with a nice crusty bottom, and I dunno why, but that cast iron adds a little somethin’-somethin’ to it.

A food processor. Why? Because I said so, that’s why!

A crock pot. How in the world could you live without one?! One of the greatest culinary inventions of all time. Right up there with the microwave. You know what though? I CAN live without my microwave.

A meat grinder. I am a meat grinder maniac! Why wouldn’t you have one?! Grind your own hamburger for whatever. You’ve seen the cheap cuts of meat that goes on sale. It’s cheaper than the hamburger they have. You don’t buy it because you know it’s going to be tough and nasty. Buy a cart full and grind your own hamburger! Freeze it. Pork is always cheap. Grind your own sausage. I have scads of recipes for sausage. But really, your own imagination is the limit to sausage.

A meat mallet. Lots of my recipes call for pounding out tough cuts of meat. And it also pounds in my seasonings.

A knife sharpener. Guys n’ gals – there’s not many things as dangerous in the kitchen as cutting with a dull knife. You want your knifes as sharp as possible. When you struggle with a knife, you’re just asking to be cut. DO NOT be taken in with all the wonder knifes you read and hear about. No matter what they say, they’ll eventually get dull. And when they get dull, you’ll get cut. Buy a decent set of knifes and sharpen them regularly. I sharpen mine at least every other time I use them. Actually, I use an 8” clever that I’ve had for over 20 years. Of all the knives I’ve been suckered into buying, this one I paid 2 dollars for at a yard sale and I use it 90% of the time. If all you’ve got is a set of those “wonder knives“: Get somebody with a bench grinder to grind off that “miracle edge” and treat it as an ordinary ol’ knife. Sharpen it regularly.

Must have ingredients.

Meat. (‘Vegetarian’ in the Navajo language translates to ‘poor hunter’) Garlic. Either powder (NOT garlic salt) or whole. And yeah, I use the already crushed in the jar type too. (don’t be taken in by the snobbery of using ONLY fresh crushed garlic cloves).  Salt and Pepper. Regular ol’ Morton salt – when it rains it pours stuff. All these cooking shows: all they ever talk about is Kosher Salt. Hog wash I say! And Pepper: I DO NOT even own a pepper mill. What a waste of time and a pain in the ass! Bust out the can of McCormick and pour me a palm full for cryin’ out loud! You’ll see chef Whoever on TV tell you to add some pepper, and he’ll break out his trusty fancy-shmancy pepper mill and give whatever he’s or she is cooking 4 or 5 quick turns and that’s it… Give me a break! – that’s not enough pepper to season a single fried egg!! OK, now I’m on my soap box about pepper: I ADORE PEPPER. I’m a pepper freak. NOT in my cooking but in my own serving. Pepper. Right outa the box. Yeah, the BOXED pre-ground BLACK PEPPER.  Here’s something for you that’s healthy: Sliced tomato’s and cottage cheese. One of my favorites. 4 slices of tomato’s and ¼ cup cottage cheese. I like mine with a tablespoon of pepper. YEAH, a tablespoon! (maybe even more, I dunno, I’m guessin’) Fried eggs: TABLESPOON. Subway tuna sandwich: Tomato, pepperocini peppers, a little salt and “A disgusting amount of pepper”. The sandwich master gives the pepper can a half dozen shakes…”Not even close” I say. Once the top of the tomato’s are almost black, I say “That’s good”.

Cream of Mushroom Soup: The perfect base for creating a vast array of sauces to toss meat into and put over rice or pasta.

Rice and Pasta: Great base to put whatever kind of sauce you’ve invented.

Canned Beef & Chicken Broths: Home made is best, but the canned stuff is great when you’re in a hurry and gotta feed a bunch of people fast. The solid cubed stuff is just too danged salty.

Eggs: Yeah, another perfect food. (Bacon’s the other) One of the most versatile God ever created.

You give me a kitchen stocked with these items and a few other assorted ingredients, and I will cook for you a masterpiece!

Onions: Once again another perfect food. Not in every dish, but certainly a must have in every kitchen (Thx WarsawNan!)

What are your Must Have Tools/Ingredients?

White Castle “Sliders”

I live in Arizona. In Arizona the only White Castles available are in the frozen food section of the grocery stores… and they SUCK. Since there are no White Castle restaurants here, the only alternative is to make them yourself. But White Castles have a unique flavor unto themselves. Unlike others “sliders”, White Castles have a certain savory-ness and uniony-ness about them. One of the many memories about growing up is the sacks upon sacks of these wonderful, greasy, bombers being brought home by our dad to feed us six chow hounds, and it was something we loved.

My brother George, upon getting his drivers license asked dad if he could drive out and pick up dinner, “I‘ll even buy!”. Dad wasn’t about to pass up that offer, and he assumed George meant he would drive into Muncie (about 5 miles). Instead, George drove 50+ mile and brought home White Castles two hours later. Dad was furious. Of course, George  just wanted to drive his car. He thought bringing home White Castles would redeem himself…he was wrong. His car was taken away.

Here’s how to make em’:

Meat Mix

1lb 80/20 hamburger

1 six ounce tube of Braunschwagger cubed.

1 envelope Lipton Onion Soup Mix

2 tspn black pepper

2 eggs

¼ cup dehydrated onions – RE-hydrated in a bowl with water and set aside.

Toss the cubed braunschwagger into a food processor with a couple tblspns water and puree to a thick pudding. Transfer it to your mixing bowl and add the rest of the ingredients. (EXCEPT the re-hydrated onions)  Mix thoroughly with your hands. (I use surgical gloves).

Cover your cookie sheet in foil and sprayed with Pam. Take this meat mixture and spread it out EVENLY and very thinly over the entire sheet, edge to edge. Evenly sprinkle the re-hydrated onions over the top and put into a 400 degree oven for about 20 minutes.

When done, remove from oven and set on the counter top at a slight angle. This will allow the grease to drain to one edge. Using a turkey baster, suck up and save this grease in a bowl.

You’ll notice the meat has shrunk into the center of the cookie sheet. Using a pizza cutter, cut the meat into a checker board pattern, you know: tiny squares like a White Castle. Now, evenly redistribute them on the same cookie sheet. On top of each patty put a squirt of spicy brown mustard and 2 – 3 dill pickle slices. And if you like the cheeseburger version (which I do) now’s the time to and a half a slice.

(You should have 18 – 24 square patties)

The bun: Dinner rolls work good but they are expensive and you need to horizontally cut a thin center piece from them (they’re too thick). EASIER and MUCH cheaper (and a more traditional taste too!) is hot dog buns cut in half. Not the crappy hot dog buns, but the medium priced decent buns. Cut them all in half. Using a brush, coat each bun with a small amount of the grease… yeah, I said it: Brush on a bit of grease… JUST DO IT. (I never claimed this was healthy food, it’s comfort food! If you’re looking for health food recipes, you are definitely at the wrong blog site!) Adjust your patty size cutting to roughly match the size of these bun halves. The finished burger won’t be square like the original, but you’ll get over that once you’ve taken the first bite!

Stack the two bun halves on top of each patty. From bottom to top it should be: Meat, cheese, toppings, top bun half, bottom bun half. Now, spay a nice generous mist of water over all set ups. Loosely cover with foil and back into the oven for 10 – 15 minutes.

Uncover and put the top bun on the bottom and you’ve got a White Castle! My sister Marty says they are even better than the originals, which to me, is like winning a culinary Oscar!

I am always asked to bring these babies to all the parties my wife and I get invited to. One such party, I was approached by a new friend and his fiancée. Seriously: they were misty eyed. They too were White Castle fanatics from Chicago and they begged me for the recipe. I was more than happy to share it with them. I later found out that they had their caterer make 500 of them for their reception!

Here’s a master list of all the things you’ll need:

1lb 80/20 hamburger

1 six ounce tube of Braunschwagger cubed.

1 envelope Lipton Onion Soup Mix

2 tspn black pepper

2 eggs

¼ cup dehydrated onions (found in the spice section of your grocery)

Spicy Brown Mustard

1 jar dill pickle slices

Sliced American cheese (optional)

2 bags medium quality hot dog buns

Cookie sheet 12” X 17”

Foil

Spray Bottle of water

Turkey Baster

Basting Brush

Pizza Cutter

Hello world! Welcome to Rattle Them Pots & Pans dot com! My name is Harry Conlon and I’ve been contemplating this site for quite some time now and it’s high time I make it happen. I have 4 passions in my life. Graphic Arts, Guitar, Writing and Cooking. I won’t do a blog site on Graphic Arts – I’m not about to give away my trade secrets (Graphic Arts is what I do for a living), I can’t do one on Guitars – I’m not a good enough player for that. That leaves writing and cooking – THIS I can do. (And do quite well I might add!)

I’ve always considered myself a MacGyver of my kitchen. Any kitchen actually. You see, I have an addiction: Creativity. Yes, I’m hopelessly addicted to creativity. (That’s what makes me so good at being a Graphic Artist). There’s nothing better in life than doing what you love and getting paid for it. I love graphic arts and designing. . . But I LOVE to cook too!  Which goes without saying, I love to eat! (but I said it anyway). And I love to share  knowledge of food and cooking with friends and family.

What type of cooking do I plan to share? All types! Fancy-shmancy as well as Easy-peasy. Mostly easy to do that will knock the socks off the people you serve it to. Comfort foods will be a big discussion topic. Your favorite recipe. Your favorite ethnic food. Your favorite cooking gadget.  Real Mayonnaise or Miracle Whip? (I’ve found people are very opinionated about this). Your favorite chain restaurant, fast food restaurant, and mom & pop restaurant. Your favorite dish to take to a pot-luck. Cooking with kids. And on and on and on… Most of all, I’m happily open to suggestions. I don’t want this site to be about me – I want this site to be about US, people who LOVE to get into a kitchen and RATTLE THEM POTS AND PANS!